FWP

"First World Pains"

These are the facebook statuses I want to put up but won't because
A) Um, they're pointless.
B) C'mon people, I just want to complain. Isn't that what this site is for? Stop being all self-righteous on my comment feed and making me look like a terrible person. It's awfully inconvenient.
C) There's a bunch of 'em and I swear I'm not a whiner but it kinda feels like it when I go to facebook 5 separate times with different status ideas each time and....well, they're all complaints...or something of the like.

ALERT!-- There will be Glee conversation in here. Navigate thyself away from this page if this dost disturb thee. Or offend thee because thou is STOOPID and has not viewed said season 3 premiere...

• Dear Glee; WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO THE PIANOOOOOOS?? 
• Srsly Glee, do you not realize how devoid my life is of that blessed instrument right now? That freaking tore. my heart. in TWO. Except more than two, I could barely pick up all the pieces from the pit of my stomach. It was devastating.
• Am I insane or did anybody else catch Heather Morris, "Brittany", looking super-duper cross eyed in that last number? The quick, close-up in the Hairspray number?? I laughed, really hard (cuz I'm a terrible person). Go back and watch again, she looks mentally handicapped (for realzies).
• HULU! Quit it with the buffering or I WILL CUT YOU.
• Oh, ok then. Facebook is dumb and makes me actually search for people's updates now. Gmail is completely filled with pinterest updates which I should really switch over to automatic deleting so I stop getting excited that 'I have mail!', and Pinterest is having seizures and slipping into a psychotic meltdown where it's a schizophrenic and ALL THE SAME PINS show up ALL THE TIME in the EXACT SAME ORDER. And hulu wants to commit suicide. Why don't I have a life??
• Dear Package of Hotdogs; on the microwave directions, when you mention that you should wrap the meat in a damp paper towel you should also include the fact that it will SQUEAL LIKE A FREAKING STUCK PIG and spew icky yellow grease everywhere and convince you you are nuking a piece of devil sausage that will possess you and haunt you for the rest of forever for putting it through such torture......
• Dear internet connection; pull it together or we're through! . . . . baby, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. C'mon baby, work for me, plz? You got it--We got dis! We can pull through it.

Basically I'm slightly bipolar. It's super frustrating trying to watch these brand new "yay-i-can-watch-TV-again!!" shows and every 5 seconds (I am actually not exaggerating here, crazy, I know) it pauses and I get to stare at Mercedes' lovely (sarcasm) face holding out an awesome, goosebump note that is now completely RUINED because my internet stinks like old cheese in a toilet!

And then I look at myself and immediately feel ashamed. Really, Hope? Seriously? Let's remember the starving orphans with club foot and malaria and 5 younger siblings at the age of 8 that they have to take care of and rear all on their own and here you sit having eaten enough pasta and weird hotdogs to feed those sickly, starving orphans for a year and still probably get worms because their tummies are too warped and twisted to handle food anymore even if they had some........

Yay guilt trips o.O

I <3 Glee. and New Girl. and Up All Night. and BONES!!!! and White Collar. and Prison Break.

That is all.

My Husband.....in an alternate dimension/universe. Just ask Shannon ;)