I Do Adult

I did a downright awful job trying to silently enjoy watching Mamrie/Grace/Hannah videos during my lunch break today. I went up into the dark, quiet conference room to further distance myself from the diligent, hardworking folks in the actual office area and thought I was quietly snickering to myself for the most part.
Except for that one bit where I accidentally spat ravioli out onto the glass table because Mamrie said something particularly witty and/or hilarious. As she is wont to do on occasion.
I consistently had to hold my hand over my mouth and cut off the air supply to my nose as well because I could not stop laughing.
These youtubers feel like my friends. (you tuber! #shakesfist)
Which is quite sad really.
But hey they're funny and I like funny people.

When I finally emerged from the dark conference room my single, solitary female coworker (not pertinent to the story whatsoever, gender doesn't matter, just random deets) alerted me to the fact that I was not being as stealthy in my mirth as I had previously imagined.
"Were you watching a funny movie up in there? What was going on??" she asked.
Apparently a couple people grew concerned at the strange noise permeating the office which turned out to be my giggling. Maybe they thought I was crying. Maybe they were convinced an anteater had wormed into our air ducts. I dunno.
In any case, my laughter cannot seem to be contained. Alas.

Also, who wants to help me start a fund to build up the monies so I can buy basically all their Camp Takota merch? Because yaaaaass plz. #dowant

Am I a Monster?

Blogging goal: do this thing. It's a cool thing. I'm gunna do the thing.

Blogging reality: Forget to do the thing. GIFS FOR DISTRACTION!

True story.

In all honesty, I had planned to access blogger from my phone to keep up on this TFiOS (The Fault in Our Stars) "feels fest" while we went camping for the weekend, because on my Top 5 Favorite Activities list "reading by the shoreline" ranks quite high, but turns out cell service doesn't extend to deep canyons hours out of civilization. Go figure.

Also my phone died. Inpermanently of course. Just...no outlets either. 

So I wrote my first feels-explosion before we left town and then the next day I found myself at the end of the book having had a grant total of zero moments where I thought to put it down and write stuff about it so now, three days later, I'll just have to make do with memory.

So!

I finished the book. 

And guys, would you believe it, I didn't shed a single tear. 

But not because I wasn't emotionally invested! Not at all because it wasn't the most beautiful love and life story I have read in a long time. Not in any way due to the fact that I'm a ruined mess on the inside because John Green made the English language seem halfway decent in expressing deep and potent human emotion.

I still don't know why I didn't cry. I've been thinking about it a lot. The simplest way I can explain it is that there wasn't time to be sad for the characters. I literally suddenly found myself flipping the last page and I was at the Q&A exclusive section at the back of the book and I kinda just sat there in a stupefied haze.

I was very quiet and enveloped in my thoughts for the rest of the evening.

I gazed pretentiously at the immense expanse of stars glittering above our campsite considering how far we were from the glow of cities and just thought about the kind of person I've let myself become.

But I never cried. 

I think I felt like crying would have been a disrespect to Hazel and/or Augustus. They didn't want my pity. They didn't need my sadness. 

Logically, I should have cried. I'm openly emotional when it comes to the media I listen to or watch. Throwing cancer (and other assorted dire maladies), animals, or military into the mix is basically just a recipe for disaster in my tear ducts.

But honestly, with The Fault in Our Stars, I only felt...uplifted.

I felt like I had a better capacity to enjoy the life I was given.

John Green talked about how he didn't want to sentimentalize or romanticize any part of the story and I full-heartedly believe he succeeded in that endeavor. I believed these were real people with real struggles having real reactions.

Their grand trip to Amsterdam was perfect, but only because they made it so.

The end for Augustus was horrific and there were no grand speeches, no death-bedside admonitions and professions of undying love, just a sick boy who desperately wanted to be more than "just sick" losing all capacity to make coherent sentences before he died.

Hazel didn't get a grand, last-minute goodbye.

And someday, that will be okay.

I don't know how to explain that those sentiments don't tug tears from my eyes but the death of Sirius Black by a magical curse and slipping into an ethereal void makes me sob like my childhood pet just got run over by a car...that I was driving. (Seriously folks, it wrecks me.)

It is the best book I've read in a long time. Please do not mistake these admissions of tearless-ness to be criticism of the novel itself. I will recommend it to any who will listen and yes you can borrow my copy (only if you sign the waiver, of course). 

#thestruggle

I honestly feel like TFiOS expanded my mind and made me a better, more intelligent and empathetic person. I am glad for people like John Green that can take their life experiences and share it in such a way that my well-being can benefit from it as well.

Huzzah for books.

#deanapprovesthismessage

TFiOS Feels

I have an opportunity here.
One that will likely be unpopular considering the amount of blathering the entire world has already dumped into the internet and beyond dealing with this book.
But I just started it for the first time.
And because I'm a nerd and my favorite subject in school was always English (and Art(s), tied) I cannot vanquish the need to write about the literature I read.
So prepare ye for random updates on the feels that I feel during this reading venture. And just be glad that I don't do this for every book I read because I could write novels [no comment as to the quality of said 'novels'] about The Stormlight Series that Mark and I are on right now I'm legitimately obsessed. In a bad way. And by 'bad' I really mean 'glorious'.

Oh, and like, **Spoilers**. DUH.

Chapter Five, Page 64

Feels Already Felt; I'm pretty sure I never stopped smiling (except for Isaac's meltdown) (except not really because HOW EFFING REALISTIC with Augustus encouraging him and making lighthearted jokes about it but keeping it real but UGGGGHHH so fabulous). I've already laughed out loud multiple times, looking a right fool I'm sure.
And oh my gosh, the thinkings. The thoughts circling my head already. Oblivion, perspective, human tendency, John Green I can't even with you right now.

Also, struggling hardcore with the fact that I want to mark the CRAP out of this book but no way in heaven am I defacing my brand new, fancy "exclusive collector's edition". (Which has zero meaning to me cuz I don't know what qualifies it as "collectible", like, maybe the pretty silver jacket?)* I just feel like I need a double set of every book I own. One to stay in beautiful, pristine, paper-smelling condition and the other to draw in and highlight and scribble notes in and cry on.
Bookworm problems. The struggle is so very real.
Didn't someone come up with translucent post-it notes or something? I need that. I need translucent post-its the size of the book I'm reading cuz lesbihonest, dat shiz is brilliant.

So uhhh, yeah that's how I feel about it so far.
I also need my lunch break to be like, at least two hours longer. Possibly more like seven. Until I'm done basically. Actually, you know what, can I just go home? #todayismyFriday

Effect(s): I already want to be a more optimistic person. Which is bizarre because Hazel is far from optimistic and Augustus is just...I don't know, an optimesstic?
In the other book I'm reading (Words of Radiance) there are also two lead characters, male and female, who go through a buttload of crap, and one embodies pessimism while the other deals through, not necessarily optimism, but cheerfulness. And her cheerfulness makes me feel guilty.
Hazel's realistic views and Augustus' propensity towards bolstering others just really lifts my spirits. Not in a "If they can do it, I can do it" way and more of a "Man the sun is so awesome, look at that sunshine go, driving is fun" way.

64 pages??

I'm also on a book high. I'm keeping a list of the books I'm reading this year and giving quick reviews of them in another blog post that I'll publish at the end of the year but let's just say I'm way over being able to count all of them on my fingers. Aided by the fact that I read the Harry Potter series and finished it before March. So, granted, all the credit may not be reserved for TFiOS. Vague disclaimer, ftw.

*I looked up what makes the Collector's Edition so special. And I was half right. It's partly the fancy cover (which I am all for more steely gray in my life) as well as a nifty Q&A section in the back. And pretty much any words out of John Green's mouth are words I want to hear.

Books then Rants then Yams

Sooooooooooo...that one awesome time your husband came home randomly and sheepishly held up the bag from Barnes & Noble but you weren't even mad because, c'mon, nobody's mad when you buy more books.
And that following ironic time when you and your husband started reading said books and his starts out with an angsty elvish princess with a forbidden love and a plan to run away with said forbidden love and he has to read through the resulting "diary" entries, but comparatively your book starts out in the aftermath of a battle scene with corpses and gore strewn everywhere and mysterious sword legends and assassins and freaking awesome "magical" abilities.
And then that awkward moment when you blog about it because you think it's funny that he got the "girl" book and you got the "boy" book and consequently realize how completely immature you sound.

But anyway. Here's to unintentionally blasting gender norms in the face.

Sorry guys. I go beyond Harry Potter level nerdy. I'm a Brandon Sanderson kinda girl and I really, really love it. Sci-fi fantasy is my mug o' butterbeer. And like, when I say "sorry" I mean "deal".

Here, I'll let John Barrowman tell my thoughts better. Take it away Cap'n.

I edited out the end there because I am sensitive to the fact that I claim to be a generally "family friendly" blog. Also name-calling is never okay.
But even missing his intended naughty word, the point still stands. No one should feel like they have to apologize for who they are or the things they like. Except maybe if you're a murderer...then you should probably apologize because that's just plain rude. Sorry Hannibal.
You be you and don't let anybody else determine how you feel about it.
If you're into a lot of words, I'll give you another famous internet speech by none other than Wesley Crusher (of Star Trek: Next Gen) himself because this cannot be shared enough times. And in my mind, it's not just applicable to nerds. If you have a passion for anything, this belongs to you as well.
But if you want to skip the totally inspiring words (tsk tsk) I kind of sum it up at the end anyway so just scroll on...

"You find the things that you love and you love them the most that you can."

We of the blogging community are really good at this. Whether it be cooking, crafting, photographing, parenting, or just living, we really like to share that passion. It's the whole point of a blog. Sharing the moments that bring us the most joy, the most pain, the most opportunity to learn.
I'm so glad to live in an era when being enthusiastic is celebrated and the realm of acceptable enthusiasm is expanding rapidly.

Also, how adorable are those superhero tutu costumes? I die.

This got super deep and weird and I didn't mean to, but I yam what I yam and I yam a rambling rambler.

yams

Take me to Sylvia Beach

So many fabulous things exist in this world. They're like special secrets you have to either be told about or just chance to trip over.
I was just introduced to one of these such things by happenstance on Facebook this morning and am now severely geeking out.

[via]

There is a hotel on the coast of Oregon that is so beautifully quaint and cozy and wonderful but there is one little fact that has me weak in the knees and fluttery in the tummy.
It is catered to book lovers.
The rooms are all named after famous authors and designed to quietly exude that writer's style (or quite loudly in some cases).
There is an upper floor Library with sofas and chairs and cushions and lamps and puzzles and board games with an abundance of wide, clear windows to let in the light and view the ocean.
They do family style dinner with seating similar to cruiselines where you make reservations and are seated with strangers, a perfect "getting-to-know-you" opportunity with fellow bookworms. Imagine the stories! I've taken a glance at their menu and the food is so decadent and fancy.
They're within walking distance of a few neighborhood parks, the Oregon Coast Aquarium is just down the road, the beach practically washes right to the hotel doors....
There's a house cat for crying out loud. She sometimes visits the rooms or frequents the library and may pick your lap to snooze in and I really just can't.
I cannot even.
I need to be there.
I need to live there.
I am having quite near an existential crisis trying to decide between the Mark Twain and Jane Austen rooms.

[via]

[via]

Oh, oh, or F. Scott Fitzgerald!

[via]

They have old vintage books just set out waiting for you to pick 'em up and dive right in, and it's nearly constantly rainy and oh, my heart is fit to burst.

[via]

"The library/reading area takes up the whole west side of the 3rd floor of the hotel. The temperment [sic] of the area depends on how it is being used at the time....quiet for reading, napping and writing [...]

It is a great place to hang out when the weather gets stormy or to watch a sunset or look for whale spouts."

Everything about that sounds like the best thing ever.

There are no TV's, radios, landlines, or wi-fi. No elevator. No pets. No smoking. Young children discouraged. (I am all for children, gaiz, don't get upset. There's a time and a place. Time and place.)

And plus, it's priced for double occupancy so you can even feel like you're getting a good deal by going alone. Which isn't sad at all, it's awesome.

I may just make this a yearly retreat.

That's normal, right?

In which I have thoughts about Captain America 2

Also prepare for continuity issues. In my own writing, not about the movie. Cuz I'm super-pro like that. I drafted this on a Monday, I refer to Tuesday in the future, but now it's Wednesday and I haven't published it yet. Wibbly wobbly timey-wimey things are happening.
I am about to make a statement. It's a bold statement and I may retract it later when I've slept on it, or after Tuesday night (wah wah continuity), or once I've had some chocolate milk.
Chocolate milk is good for clarity.
I think Captain America: the Winter Soldier is my favorite solo superhero Marvel movie. I won't say favorite Marvel movie because, I dunno, these individual hero movies are very different than the assembled Avenger's movies (or at least the one that's come out so far). They're different in my book! And this blog is the closest thing to a book I've ever written so...meh. (or at least the closest thing to a book that I'm willing to admit to writing...ssshhhh.)

Also, like, don't even try reading this if you don't wish to hear spoilers.

Seriously, I'mma get all kinds of detailed.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Also also, it's a really good movie don't ruin it for yourself if you haven't seen it yet.

Iron Man 3 was really close to being my favorite but then I watched it again and it fell a little flat because I already knew all the punch lines. Which is the reason for my Tuesday statement because I'm going to see CA:tWS (that's pretty much just as obnoxious to type as the whole thing) again with friends. Luckily they aren't imaginary. I don't think.
But I am so...proud of the choices the writers/directors/producers made with CA:tWS. (I copied and pasted it. Woot technology.)
--Wrapping up the storyline between Cap and Peggy was very considerate for fans like me that wanted to throw popcorn at the screen when he wakes up in modern day New York and is all bummed cuz he "had a date".  [angst]
--The Stan Lee appearance is definitely my favorite one so far. No spoilers here ;)
--Every bit of the relationship between Cap and Black Widow, oh my gosh so wonderful. There was obviously sexual tension because HELLO attractive humans, but like not even? I don't know how they got it so perfect. They were friends. There was playful banter that wasn't oozing innuendo. Flirtatious jabs made in friendship rather than with bedroom eyes. The last thing the movie needed was another romantic subplot weighing it down. It's already a movie over two hours long. I honestly believed that Natasha and Steve were influencing and bettering (is that really a word?) each other merely because they cared about each other. It's one of the problems with the Thor/Jane combo. (But I still ship it so hardcore and I don't even know why.)
--The Winter Soldier. All of it. I knew who he was because I obsess over the actor so that didn't surprise me. But I was miffed for a minute when the first words he spoke after shouting one order in a foreign language was, "Who the * is Bucky?!"
Like, wut??
He's been this silent, stoic, but deadly type and now just because Cap says something to him he's like, "Oh I'm gonna talk now"?
But then they give the scene later with the bad old dude (Redford, what happened?! Oh, right. Age.) and Bucky's like, super messed up confused and his memories are trying to come back so hearing the name "Bucky" would be a trigger so like, I geddit now. It's all good. And I like that just "Bucky" doesn't work the second time around and I like that they aren't back to buddy-buddy, hug it out at the end of the movie going out for drinks and picking up a "21st century for dummies" guidebook. I understand that it's necessary to keep Bucky as the bad guy for them to make a third movie and it's all just a money grab but they're making good movies so I'm okay with them employing money grab tactics. Cuz it's working.
--Granted, I was a little confused by the leadership ladder as far as SHIELD goes and who works for who and who's in charge of what and motive and all that. But that's probably mostly because I am so terrible with paying attention to detail in that regard.
--I'm also baffled by the logistics of the killer hover homicide guns but /shrug. Movie magic, whatevs.
--I never for a second believed that Fury was dead. Nope.
Although Coulson's death traumatized me and I am super depressed that zombie Coulson is about to lose all faith in everything and GAIZ, what is even gunna happen on Agents of SHIELD I don't know.
--Loki's death stick looked tiny in the credits clip. Just me? I swear it looked "fun-sized". Like something you'd pull out of the cereal box. But that's not a complaint against the movie itself, just an observation.
--I'm back to Natasha fangirling. After the incredible success of her character in this movie and the success of the movie itself I would hope that puts a movie solely for Black Widow on the horizon. I am a Marvel fan but I have never read a comic book in my life. So I don't know her backstory or whether there's anything there to use for a film. But ScarJo is so effing good at playing Natasha and she's so freaking hardcore and just the kind of woman hero the media needs nowadays...
Except, one absolutely silly and vapid complaint here, there's a scene where Cap and Natasha crash at Falcon's place (before they know he's Falcon) and get cleaned up. They have a moment [friend moment] and it looks like Natasha just showered, as her hair is damp and slightly curly. Which is admirable enough in and of itself because that's exactly what my hair does when I get out of the shower. Brownie points for realism.
And then it's ruined by the next scene where they're pow-wowing in the kitchen and her hair is back to being pin straight and silky smooth.
I mean, she's a ninja but I'm pretty sure a straight iron wouldn't fit in her cleavage, not even ScarJo's. And Falcon doesn't seem like the type to keep those kind of beauty products on hand.

Movie magic!

[I've officially changed my mind. 

I'm waiting until after I've watched the movie a second time to post this.]

But like in the grand scheme of things that obviously doesn't mean anything and I still love the movie. 

I just really need to read all the comic books ever. Which is a super realistic goal. And helpful considering these movies are not shy about deviating from the original comics.

Annnnd I'm screwing up the continuity agaaaaain. It's Wednesday now. Saw the movie again last night like I said I would. It did not pull an Iron Man 3. Was just as good as the first time. Still geeking out about it.

Noteworthy Moments:

--"On your left"

--"Couldn't forget my best girl..."

--Fury's escape from the flipped SUV through the roof into the ground. So SHIELD has lightsabers now?

--When Fury got shot through the wall in Rogers' apartment.

I legitimately yelped in the theatre. 

--When cute nurse from the hall comes in like a hardcore bada** aiming a gun in her adorable pink scrubs...

--The whole elevator scene....bring it.

*Also applicable, Fury's "death" scene.

--"You're standing in my brain."

--Natasha fighting like a BAMF and kicking everyone's trash.

* ;)

--Weird, musical motif linked with the Winter Soldier whenever he's onscreen. Most notably at the part where he leaps onscreen after shooting Natasha in the shoulder.

It sounds exactly the same as the Hassansin motif from Prince of Persia but it's appropriate in that movie because, well, Persia. (yaaaay racism)

--Maria Hill also being a BAMF

-- #notdeadb*tches

--Natasha bamf'ing it up another level

--Cap has 3 seconds to put the chip in the slot and he makes it after they say "One."

--It's raining helicarriers.

--"I'm with you until the end of the line..."

There you have it folks. You basically just watched the movie with me. Congratulations. Also, I'm really obnoxious to watch movies with. I acknowledge it. It's my curse and I've learned to curb it....slightly. 

It's a good movie, mkay?!