Thursday, August 4, 2011


(This post is going to be super long, btw. If you have real stuff to do with your life, I suggest shutting off the comp and getting away while you can. If you're at the point where you're beating your head on the desk from utter, complete boredom.....CEASE your abuse and continue reading)

Sometimes, I'm pretty sure I'm dying. Already. We're all dying, obviously, but I mean it's coming on a lot sooner than I want.
It's totally not, stop freaking out--STOP.
But my body does things that I'm 99.1/2% sure are not normal.
Like when I yawn at work and my left ear, not my right, reverse-pops. As in, I pressurized my ear from the inside. I've done it a couple times now in the last few days and it scares me just a teensy bit. I've passed out at least 4 times and have come to the point where I can tell when it's coming. I feel legitimately queasy and the room does actually spin. But this ear thing is much weirder and much more awkward than that. My eyes can't focus and I feel them jittering back and forth, it gives me a headache. Really fast. It's like I'm a ballerina and am trying to keep my eyes on one point of the wall, but the wall won't sit still so my eyes can't handle it. Closing them doesn't work either. Ever twirled around and around in circles then flopped on the ground? It doesn't work then, it certainly doesn't work now. Plus the nausea and mind-blowing vertigo.
Not to mention my temples go kinda numb. That's the best I can explain it.
So I basically die a little every time I yawn. No big deal. Whatevs.

The other day, bestest best friend Allie tagged this blog in one of her posts, claiming that the "story" of me and boyfriend was here to be read...
It's totally not.
And I feel like that's now this huge travesty and blunder on my part for being a terrible blogger and not including the story of how "Hark/Mope" came to be.

You know how couples have these really cute ways of combining their names so it's like a nickname for the relationship?
For example, Allora + Alex = The Allorex (I did come up with that myself, btdubs. And it stuck). I'm sure you know others or have at least heard of the practice.
There is no cutesy way to combine "Hope and Mark".
My first thought with that second one is 'Merope Gaunt' from Harry Potter with that terrible story of the Gaunt Family and, naturally, that does not instill cutesy feelings all.
So we're stuck with Hark/Mope. Depending on what kind of mood we're in, apparently.
Anyway! Mark Douglass. And me. We didn't start out as fantastic as we are now. Ohhh, no sir.
Firstly, I was sorta kinda maybe just a little bit in love with these one kid named Ian McHardy. My highschool sweetheart. And that was the problem there. High school. He still had to go on a two-year mission in which our only means of communication would be how willing I was to sit down, write a letter, put it in an ACTUAL ENVELOPE, lick the actual envelope, lick a whole 'nother stamp, and send it on it's texas. Yeah, only a state away. Makes things super awkward now.
Not to mention; Mark? Totally one of Ian's bestest buds.
I'm that girl.
Boyfriend knows this, so it's not too terrible for me to admit openly on the interwebz, but I really was not Mark's biggest fan last summer. Our first memories of each other are quite different.
He remembers me from a high school choir concert after event....thing. Apparently, Ian was introducing us or something and I came off as this conceited crazy chick with long hair.Iremember him from this one time when Ian and I were trying to go on a day roadtrip to Payson to play in the snow, but his car broke down and Mark came to save us. He pretty much ignored me the entire time then judged me later for being quiet because I was stuck in the backseat of the noisy little tiny car where I couldn't hear any of the conversation anyway. Not that I would've talked much considering Mark has this way of looking at you like the words coming out of your mouth are a noxious gas that would wipe out humanity and now you are on the same level as Hitler.
Something along those lines.
First impressions; not impossible to overcome ;)
So, leading up to when Ian was leaving, July 27th of 2010; Mark was...not too conspicuous about having a bit of a crush on me. But then again, all of Ian's guy friends liked me. I was the girl that wouldn't bum out their LAN parties and even, /gasp!, play a round of Counterstrike or two...or a few hours worth. I dunno. It happened. Plus there was that soccer game where I sliced up my heel pretty bad from playing barefoot in the retention basin and didn't cry or freak out. Those were basically my two initiating acts that got me accepted into the group.
So I didn't think much of Mark's "attraction".
Until Ian was gone.
And suddenly Mark was actually....I guess you could call it flirting. He actually talked to me and expected an answer, for more than 5 sentences in a row. I resented it quite vehemently for awhile. In fact, this was his own special theme song for awhile:

Essentially, I never looked his way twice. He was a fun friend to hang out with, but all his romantic swings were on the unappreciated side of my emotional scale.

Except for, whoops, that whole "fun friend" thing became pretty much every day. We'd all be hanging out, people-people-people, woot. Then people would start dwindling and I'd be dawdling behind and end up the last person staying at Mark's house....for hours on end.
I distinctly remember the first night I actually intentionally flirted back. There had been a movie night, the couch bed was pulled out and we ended up legitimately wrestling each other for prime tickling and whacking each other with sandals. You're probably imagining some cute little romp you've seen in those rom-coms where the sexual tension starts growing and your stupid woman hormones go all crazy and you get super attached to the relationship right before things go wrong.....
This was not that scenario. There were bruises and welts and peculiar looks from a bemused Mark. I drove home feeling the guiltiest I had since I snuck an oreo on Fast Sunday when I was 11. I thought, "Oh no. I'm some sort of heartless whore. I'm going to ruin this kid!"
But I couldn't stop. I missed flirting. Ian had been gone for at least 3 months by this time (pathetic, yes. I know. Don't judge me) and Mark was...there. That's no excuse, of course. For awhile my theme song could be:

Just sayin'. It fit pretty darn well when it came out and I was like, "Way to describe me, Perri. Way to go."
So crap I'm flirting with Mark, he's totally charming and sweet and cares a whole lot more about everything than I ever thought but I'm getting these letters from Ian that are the bread and butter to my happiness. I am thoroughly ashamed to admit I was Bella Swan for a bit there. Except there was no Edward. Mark's hairy, though. He could be a Jacob. Ian's more of a....well, I don't know anymore. I can't really say what he is.
It's november, Ian's been gone 4 months and it hits Black Friday. My best friend from high school was in town and we were hanging out a lot (considering she was sleeping in my bed and staying at my house). I was trying to ignore it but every time my friend, let's call her Liz, started flirting with Mark there was this little monster in my gut that would fire up and snarl its nasty little growl that said, "Don't you go near him." I pretended it wasn't there, but kept up the competition flirting anyway.
The night before Black Friday, when everybody goes and stands in line for hours on end because we're crazy American's and can't help a chance to spend our money on worthless stuff for SUPER CHEAP! me and Liz went to give Mark some company at Fry's electronics. Where he had the best set up I have ever seen in my life.
He brought a whole loveseat couch with him.
And a table.
And a projector with speakers and all 3 extended edition LOTR movies.
And hot chocolate.
SO 3-way cuddling sesh? I think yes. So Mark's on the left, I'm in the middle and Liz is on the right. There's blankets because, well it's november and we're all desert rats so it's freezing, and did I mention love seat couch? Yeah, we're not exactly skinny little people either. Mark was half leaning on my and Liz had her legs thrown over both me and Mark with her head resting on my shoulder. My arms are resting on her knees, until I kinda start dozing off. My hands pull back so it's just my palms on her knees. My mind is vaguely aware of Mark's hands placed comfortably on her shins....a foot within my reach.
Or so I imagine. Remember, there's blankets so I can't actually see any of what's going on.
I sat there analyzing my racing heart, fluttering stomach and tingling palms for a few minutes whilst Frodo and his posse snowshoe it through the mountains. I have to control my breathing when I realize, "I want Mark to hold my hand..." and give in. I set myself into that mode where you're going to be super stealthy about everything but get exactly what you want. I "shift" sleepily and my left hand gets a lot closer to where I think Mark's is. I don't want to move any closer for fear that I'll bump into him and be super awkward (because what actually happens totally isn't awkward..../sarcasm).
To my surprise and fluttery pleasure I feel his pinky brush up against knuckles...but it keeps moving. Half of his hand is flopped kind of haphazardly across my fingers. I figure he doesn't understand where everything is under the blankets either and wait for him to feel along my hand and take hold.
And wait.
And wait some more...
What is the deal?!
I was itching to stretch my pinky out and hook onto one of his fingers. Thank the heavens I didn't. As I was dying to move my hand spasmed from the stress leaking out my brain and as my fingers twitched I got a sensory picture in my head of what was truly happening under that blanket.
Mark and Liz were holding hands.
On top of mine.

I quite easily could have cried for how stupid I felt.
I tried to wait and see if it was just a momentary mishap and they would come to their senses and realize how unattracted they were to each other and rip their hands apart. I lasted maybe a minute.
Oh. Yep. I'm totally gonna cry. Moving now!
I pretended to wake up and their hands slipped apart. Liz made little chirping waking noises too. I pretty much commanded that we leave.
Next day: 2x>> awkward texts from Liz's phone that I answered, Tangled in the theatre with no arm rest between me and Mark, more 3-way cuddling at Mark's house, competition hand positioning, Hope triumphs and now we've locked fingers and Liz has retreated to the other couch.
It was pretty much the most awkward, tense, emotionally exhausting love triangle of my life.
So we were holding hands. We went to the Institute Winter Ball together, had a double date with the Allorex and made fantastic gingerbread houses (I'll make a picture montage later. This post can't handle it). We danced and as he recalls it, "It was the first time you actually let me get close to you and stayed there..."
All throughout December I was basically nonverbally begging him to kiss me. But he wouldn't. Finally, December 27th he asked me in the most perfect way ever; "Will you let me be your boyfriend?"
We didn't kiss till January 7th, after our other dear friends', JT and Tamzon's, wedding reception.
The rest is history and you won't get that history until I'm writing an engagement post.

Whew! Sadly, that's the nutshell version. If I had adequate energy and if you guys had adequate attention spans, there would and could be more.
But I realize there's about 5 other social networking sites to check and countless memes to catch up on.
So get goin', shoo. Story time is over.

The End.


  1. Oh my goodness it wasn't even 10 o'clock and my grammar is absolutely terrible! I need an awareness graph at the top of my page to show people "This is how TIRED/awake I was in writing this" so they don't judge me when I leave out words and put other ones in instead xP
    boo. and a half.
    I could go change it. But again. TIRED.

  2. I so remember you telling the story of "Liz". Haha Way to be. Hope Wins. The end