Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Work Fantasy

It's not what you think. If you've got a less-than-cleanly think-maker, that is. I honestly have no idea how your thought process works and maybe you're closer than either of us thinks. Who knows?
I spend a lot of time in my imagination. People talk about that period of time before sleep where you lay there and imagine scenarios that would never happen in your life and that's basically how I spend my days. When my direct attention is not needed elsewhere. I've gotten a lot better, mostly because I experienced real life adulthood and jobs and responsibilities but I still enjoy escaping to my imagination every now and again.
It's an hour after my lunch break and I'm hitting the food coma nap-time daydreaming sequence of the day, and I wish to share with you a bit of what I've been fantasizing about since I posted a status about it on Facebook.
(I wish you could know the amount of trouble I went to to get that photo.
I'm pretty proud of my tech-savvy self.)

I have been obsessing about that idea since I had the enlightening revelation and now I present to you why I would make the coolest librarian evar and also why the world couldn't handle me as the coolest librarian evar.

  • I would always wear fun glasses and would have a minimum of 12 different styles.
  • I would accompany said fun glasses with eclectic, beaded neck straps.
  • I would designate Mondays as "Mimic Mondays" and wear outfits modeled after book characters.
  • There would always be hidden treasures in the books and dispersed throughout the shelves to encourage adventurous reading habits. 
  • If you got your book back in on time, there would be a magical box of knick knack prizes you could pick one item out of as a reward.
  • If you did not return your book on time or in similar condition as when it left....well, TBD. I'm not so good with punishments. (I'm rather like Winston from New Girl with pranks, either to wimpy or waaaay over the line of appropriate)

  • Ooh! And you could have a bookmark that was like a punch card except I'd put stickers on it each time you turned in a book on time and once you built up enough stickers there'd be an even more awesome magicky magic box of treats as reward.
  • There would be reading mats and bean bags in my library.
  • Also stuffed animals, because books are better with friends. Especially friends who don't have opinions and ruin your favorite books for you.
  • I would always have a large platter of snickerdoodles laying out on my desk but they would be mini-snicks (that's what I would call them) because I don't want the other teachers to murder me. I also realize this would be inviting a lawsuit because you can't even give out homemade stuff for freaking Halloween anymore.

  • Also, maybe I should have secret special cookies and/or pastries to bribe the other teachers with so they don't get mad that I'm the favorite (and that I'm hyping up their students with uncalled for sugar quantities).
  • Basically food.
  • And moist towelettes. No sticky fingers on the pages plz.  
  • The loud corner would be blocked in by tall shelves to muffle the sound but otherwise, inside voices are a must. But I won't "shush". I'll slink around quietly and just give the unnecessarily loud ones the stink-eye.
  • There would be a Narnia bookshelf. I'm still working out the logistics, but it involves secret tunnels and a hobbit hole of sorts.
  • Coloring corner, as well.
  • Question: What are librarians responsibilities other than book caretaker?? Like, is there something they're supposed to do when there isn't anybody in there reading or whatnot? This sounds too good to be true, there has to be a catch.
Can I just use this as my resume? If I send it in to a school, can they just hire me? Like, how committed to this am I, guys. This is basically my presidential campaign; "Here are all the awesome things I promise to do, love me. Yay America." (Welcome to my basic understanding of politics.)
Realistically, I know most of what I said would never work and it would probably take a child from my own generation to even enjoy half these things so I'd probably end up sitting in my library wonderland all alone and nine year old me would silently weep for the wasted awesome. And then I'd eat all the mini-snicks and vent to the stuffed Rabbit. 

Isn't adulthood the best?


  1. You pretty much sound like the coolest librarian ever, and I want to go to your school whenever you become one!! All of your ideas are seriously GOLDEN, and I really think most of them would actually fly in real life if you did become a librarian. So do it. And my children will be blessed by you!

    PS - That was the most difficult captcha I have ever had to do to get a comment published.

    1. I appreciate the struggle you went through to publish your thoughts XD
      Maybe I'll just build a little library in my own yard and be a self-proclaimed librarian and I'll ransack all the Goodwill's of their good books and it'll be an educating experience for all. Because I have the best taste in books, obvsly.
      Just kidding. But thanks, haha I'm glad somebody else thinks their good ideas too!

    2. Bah! Noooo, fail librarian! **They're

      "I am ashamed." -Jacques the Shrimp