This is my journal and I write what I want!

I seriously just had to switch off my Piano Guys radio because it was simply too stressing, painful, depressing, all words not normally associated with that station. I was getting so emotional though, because I've suddenly discovered just how much I've missed having my piano so readily accessible. My parents recently moved and it's not even that they moved far away, they just don't have a good spot in their current house for a nine-foot piano so it has stayed packed up and standing on it's lovely side. The fact that in three weeks it could be unwrapped and set up in my own house is killing me and my fingers are itching to get at it again.
I would also like to make it known that I feel so silly for this post. I am such a snob and I own up to that. "Oh, poor baby doesn't have her $30,000 instrument to play on. Pobrecita."
K, but srsly guys this is hard.
That piano holds more of me than I do.
My whole history is in that piano.
I can measure my life by the songs that have gone into that piano.
So while yes, it is silly just know that there is a reason behind my pining.

Everyone's faces when I start talking about

that darn piano again.

Me, deciding if I care or not.

How I feel these last three weeks of waiting.

Waiting and signing and waiting.

When I get those title papers in my hands tomorrow.

And then waiting for the current owner to move.

Watching her moving truck get filled and roll away.

Our first walk through the empty house.

Realizing we have to paint and carpet the whole house...

in one week.

Finishing it cuz we be boss like that.

Deciding where to put all our stuff.

Realizing that we've just moved our whole life

into our very own house....

But then...

We're homeowners.

It's gon' be gooooood!

Original Friday

So basically I had a conniption on Friday and thought I could post something worthwhile rather than silly and I'm not sure what came over me but it got super serious and weird but I'm not apologizing. I still believe in what I said. Not my normal MO in the blogosphere but hey, can't always be bizarre and random and off-the-wall.
Except here's what I had written for that day, then didn't post because I wrote my Batman post instead (here if you missed it). It's going to be a bit of a timewarp because ain't no way I'm going through the whole thing and rewriting it so that it's properly worded in the past. But I will at least put it in another font. That denotes wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey difference, right?

I just realized I feel like poor Mrs. Bennett today. At least the Kiera Knightley movie version.
I'm sniffling so I constantly have a kleenex up to my face (no handkerchiefs for this girl, sorry). My hair is falling about my face in frantic tendrils. There's a burning behind my eyes, resulting in an ever present appearance that I'm on the verge of tears.

Other than that revelation, today is so bipolar.
We got up at the blessed hour of five to be over at the house and help out with the estate sale.

Which was actually kinda problematic in that I wanted basically half of what she is selling! That painting in the bottom left corner? Desperately wish to re-border it in white and hang in a bathroom. The pink lamp that is quite popular on my social media? Definitely wanted that for the nursery. As well as a table lamp that was the same kind of pink but fluted glass.
And mirrors. Apparently I have an obsession with mirrors. We already have...(quick head count)...eight? Yeah, eight decorative mirrors. And she had quite a few. Mark noticed my gaze linger longingly and gave me a cute stern look with a firm, "No."
And I sighed because I know we don't need 'em. I don't even know why I like them so much. I guess I wasn't traumatized enough in those mirror house carnival attractions.
Now I'm at work and waiting for my dear husband to bring lunch in and wondering how much it would help/hurt if I ransacked the break room cupboards and swallowed a mix of every kind of medicine available. But I won't. Because that would require getting up. And I'm doing as little of that as possible today.
But after work I get to rush home, change, grab a quick bite to eat so I'm not that starving person eating all the snacks because then I'm headed to the Blogger Meetup at Clothes Minded! I am so stoked. I missed the last meetup and was very put out because I didn't go.

(Anyone else always think of Humperdinck with the words "put out"? "I shall be very put out"...please say it isn't just me...) 

I love my blogger friends and recently remarked to one of them, "When did I start having too many friends to keep track of? What is this nonsense?"
These women are inspiring, and lovely, and remarkable, and funny, and joyous, and I love getting to know them in person along with reading their wonderful words. Even the ones with the "lifestyle" blogs. They make me feel normal and part of something really worthwhile. Blogging is the greatest.
And then I'm chillin' with the bestie cuz what better way to start the weekend off right?
Answer; there is none better.

So in short, I'm tired and grumpy because mornings and headcolds, but I'm so happy because I saw our house again today and I can't wait to be living in it, but I'm bored at work, but I'm excited for tonight, but I'm afraid I'm gunna drop dead cuz this is a pretty full day for a burgeoning sicky.

So thusly I'm Mrs. Bennet? I dunno, it made sense at one point, now I kinda forgot how/why.

Disapproving Mrs. Bennet disapproves.

Whew! And just because they're so wonderful, I'm stealing pics of the blogger meetup since that's what I talked about in here anyway...

All us lovely ladies (minus our dear photographer Ali) with 

Ashley of The Shine Project!

They even let me in their nice pictures.

Such saints.

Flash loves me.

Ali/Allie Sammich

Teach me how to photogenic.

I'm seriously a project child, guys.

Oh yeah, um so this happened.

I need another Cafe Rio enchilada style burrito.

Like, need. 

Mirror pics in Home Goods.

Not a good place to discover on the eve of owning a house.

Kiss da monies goodbye.

You people are my favorite!

So happy to have met you and I just want to keep y'all around forever.

Thanks for laughing with me and 

for all the smiles.

You make it easier to live with the 

less-sparkly side of this world we live in.

Hello, Batman?

NananananananananaLOLJK.

Did you think this was gonna be about Aflac?

Er, I mean Affleck? A certain Ben Affleck?
I honestly don't care. I have my Batman trilogy from Christopher Nolan with Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, Michael Caine, and Morgan Freeman. I'm good.
But here are other things happening that should probably mean more to you than which Hollywood star has landed one more role in a blockbuster years down the road.

LGBT awfulness going on. I am refraining from getting into this too deeply but can't we all act like humans with souls and just not make others miserable?

Sketchy on the culture included in the earth you live on? Educate yo'self. 

Ever wonder if Brits sit around trying to speak 'murican? If you have, enjoy a simple diagram of how some europeans view America.

Buzzfeed not a viable enough source? Apologies.

Syrian chemical explosions and dead people. UN wants answers. American intervention? Or maybe all a false-alarm.

I guess I'll take record heat over bombings. None of our business right? Certainly. There is no need to be sticking our nose into other countries' wars until called upon. But under no circumstances do I believe that gives us any validity to sticking our heads in the sand, content to just carry on with our tabloid musings and coffee sipping.

Educate yo'self.

There's a whole world we're living on. There's no magic bubble around your life that keeps you quarantined from it all. It's your job to keep up on what's happening, to stay informed, to be aware.
None of us is going to be able to stop the bombs. None of us has the power to retract the toxic chemical gases. No single one of the microscopically small margin of people who happen upon my blog will be able to tackle the prejudice and absolute horrific circumstances revolving the LGBT community right now and fix it.
But I do believe in chain progression. You can make a difference for someone. And that someone can make a difference for another someone. It's painfully slow, it's barely anything, but it's progress.
 Christlike attributes aren't holding aloft the tablets inscribed with the Ten Commandments and beating the heads of our fellow man with them. Being Christlike is not taking it upon ourselves to teach and reprimand and "fix" others.
All we are required to do is be kind and use our time to help others. All the rest will fall in line. Service is a big deal in my church and I don't do near enough of it. I feel the effect in my life when I am or am not serving. Starkly. That's something I need to work on.
There will always be people around to help when times are dark and hearts are heavy.
Be one of those people.

Be the single candle held up against the darkness.
"Be the change you want to see in the world."
Be the example.
Use your powerful choices to open the hearts and minds of those around you.

Care.

Really Real Chronicles the Third

One of these days I'm gonna forget how many of these I've written and have to stop numbering them. But until then, the cheesy titles remain!

Throwback to elementary school (look at me being all caught up with the current trends, tbt-ing and jazz, I'm so cute); It's recess in spring and playing outside is the greatest. I remember I was wearing some stretchy type legging pants, probably a dark navy blue or maybe a brown and a loose cotton shirt. Fashion was obviously very important to me at such a young age.

You know it, NPH.
Anyway, anyone else imagine they are a secrety-awesome agent of awesome and can do all those cool evasive maneuvers and defy physics simply because they're awesome?
Yeah, me too.
You see where this is going yet?
I was, for whatever reason, on a patio type area with a ramp down to the lot where the playground was located. There was some friendly teasing going on and people blocking my way down the ramp football style. So I took to the ramp railing, sat my butt down on the patio overhang and attempted to swing myself through the bottom of the railing and down to the pavement below.
Minimal arm strength plus plain ole physics rendered me bent awkwardly under the railing, toes brushing against the ground, just out of reach. My shirt had scrunched up over my belly from sliding along the concrete as well as grating against my bare back in raking scratches that now stung along with my injured pride.
Do I pull myself up? Okay, that's apparently not possible. Thanks again weak arms. I appreciate the help.
Do I try and readjust my shirt? No, I'm still awkwardly half laying, half standing against the concrete.
I have to continue sliding along the concrete edge, mangling my back even further, exposing myself even more and try not to cry from humiliation and pain.

Needless to say, I had a hard time sitting back in my chair for the rest of the day and never went near those railings ever again.
Also, I'm not a ninja.

ALL OF THE NERD

Shows that I want [NEED] to get into based solely on the fandoms; 

(and the fact that the shows themselves look

superduperfabutastic)

Sherlock

Alright, this is actually because I'm already obsessed with 

Benedict Cumberbatch but I digress.

Not to mention I need in on all these faces

Martin makes...

Supernatural

You, you sneaky fandom you, 

you guys made me think this show was SO different

than what it actually is. 

I got about half a season in and realized

all the quirky and funny I'd been seeing all over the internet

is NOT included in the episodes.

(Well, in small quantities, perhaps.)

The poor Winchesters.

But dood, dat face.

Doctor Who

But not just one Doctor.

I want to see them ALL.

I desperately desire to be a Whovian

but I am painfully aware of how much effort 

(ahem, time) that is going to take.

And then on top of the fact that 

I won't be a true Whovian

because I had to get in

after the fact.

Sad Hope is sad.

I want to, Matt! 

I really, really want to.

Plus, "wibbley wobbley timey wimey"?

He speaks my language!

I'd be a great Whovian guys,

I swear.

Somebody make me an honorary Whovian?

Please?

Legend of Korra

Is that even right?

That's what it's called, right?

I love the artwork for this one

and I wish I'd seen the Last Airbender.

That is legitimately what I dreamt of being as a child.

And talk about a role model. 

Kickbutt AND clothed?

Blasphemy!

I'm already a Browncoat.

In fact, Whedonites unite!

I'm an Avengers fangirl (I've seen "Shawarmamers" as a proposed fandom name, lawlz).

I get misty-eyed just thinking about Harry Potter.

LOTR comes out every rainy day. (Aragorn so hard. You can keep your silly Legolas.)

BAT. MAN. Christopher Nolan. Uggggh.

I would most definitely probably maybe have an affair with RDJ if the opportunity arose. No shame.

I am endlessly saddened there isn't a more prominent fandom for Mistborn. /le sigh.

My heart is made of Disney.

The list goes on and on. 

I'm afraid though, that the only way I'm going to be able to start getting into these shows/fandoms is once I have more time at home. Which if you read my last post (and judging by the amount of pageviews I got since posting, you most likely have) (holy goodness guys, put the word "baby" in the title and suddenly everyone and their mom wants to read) is only gonna be once we start having kids.

Is it sad that this fact makes my desire to have children skyrocket a bit?

My kids will have the best taste in shows.

It's for the children!

You're judging me, I can feel it.

Oh yeah.

House, too.

It never ends.

Love, Marriage....Baby Carriage?

This here is me right now...

And this is you, amirite?...

You guys; BOOM. Thought process had a moment.

I've been consistently stumped as to how I feel about babies. I've always, always known I'm gonna be a mommy and that's what I want to do with my life, what I want to be. A mother. No question, no doubt about it.
But when? When do I become a mommy?! That question has plagued me since getting married. The minute that children was the next "life"-step in mine and my husbands lives all of a sudden I had no idea how I could ever be a mom. Being responsible for a tiny glob of living, breathing flesh seemed too much pressure and I wouldn't want to do it.
Nope.
No thank you.

What?! Hope! For shame! Where did all those years of dreaming and knowing and wishing go?
I am now seeing that at no point will I magically wake up one morning ready to spit out a human and take care of him/her for the rest of my life. I have no illusions that I'll find some hidden corner of my being that will make me more prepared for it than I am right now.
But I have realized once again that motherhood is exactly what I want to do with my life. I am not a career-lady. I will never be sacrificing work for family or vice versa. I don't need that, as a person. As a woman. I put "person" first because it makes no difference what gender I am, that's not the way I am. I put woman second because I do have baby-feeders and a baby-portal (trying to keep it G here) and I own up to that biological gift I have been given.
I'm sitting here at a desk, in an office, listening to the moaning and groaning and whining and BAM. I realized that I would so much rather deal with the poopy diapers, late night/early mornings, spitup, crying, mess and mayhem than the typical complaints of a big-kid job.
I'd rather mother than work-for-hire.
If I'm gonna be "working", I'd like it to be in the home and with my children. They will be my work. And it will be hard work. But it's the work I want.
I'm happy to discover this about myself and look forward to the day I can quit this office job and take up my God-given role of mother to the wonderful, choice spirits He will entrust to us.

Even Ron Swanson is happy for me guys...

Thanks Ron...

Six Things you coulda-shoulda-woulda Know About Me

"Tagged" by both the lovely Ali and Katie in their open invitation to participate in this get-to-know-you survey. And writing material is always welcome here, sometimes office life isn't as action packed and exciting as it would seem. I know, I know. Crazy right? It happens.
And I'm sure people are sick of hearing about food (I'm not even great enough to be a recipe blogger or connoisseur of gourmet foods, I'm just a fried food advocate), or how sluggishly our house adventure is going so maybe this'll provide a needed change of pace!

1) Is this how you imagined your life would be?

"BWAHAHA!! oops...was that out loud?" --Hammy the Squirrel

That part was expected. I'm just as crazy as I woulda thought. Maybe a tad bit more. My life has never followed the pretty little map I have in my mind and I am just fine with that. I've said it a lot lately, "I'm allergic to choices." I'm glad there's somebody I can trust to get me where I'm supposed to be and put me in the situations I need and where I'm needed. I had lots of ideas for my career, school, family, home, and hobbies but I'm happy where I am and there's still plenty of time left.
It may not be what I imagined, but it's exactly what I needed.

2) If money were no question I would buy...

Money. Investing because I married a smarty pants who pays attention to those kindsa things so now I do too. Every once in awhile.
But hey, it doesn't say pick only one thing to buy sooo, lesse here...

• a pet moose, an otter, and a whole forest with a river and a lake for my pets to live in because animal cruelty is wrong, yo. 
• I'd pay for the best professional tuning for my instruments because they're basically people to me. Need my babies healthy.
• We'd go on a trip spanning the entirety of summer in europe touring all the oldest castles, canyons, mountains, caves, and cliffs. Ireland, Switzerland, English countryside, Austria, and Downton Abbey being among the top choices. And I fully expect the Dowager Countess Violet to receive us for afternoon tea that we will politely decline and just ask for lemon water (I learn all my etiquette and fancy living from Disney/Disneyesque movies. Thanks a million Anastasia, homegurl.)
• Speaking of instruments; cello, french horn, steel drums, acoustic guitar, drum kit, timpanis, bell organ....

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10151458356971648&l=8739400979003112055

• ADOPT ALL OF THE GOGGIES. Remember, I have a whole forest/river/lake combo. It'll be the coolest doggie care center in the world. Cats are welcome, too. But they will all be spayed and neutered, respectively.
• Because I can hire my own vet.
• Screw that, veterinary schooling BAM. Ftw. 
• My librarian dream? Totally happening. Except now it's gonna be a miniature sized Beast's castle post-magical-disco-rain-curse-breaking and it'll be overlooking the lake. So that's cool.

I guess that's it for now. I'm feeling kinda bad and selfish now, that's a lot of stuff I want that money would apparently get me...

I am ashamed.

3) What's your drink of choice when out with the girlfriends?

I told you, lemon water! Pinky up. Just kidding I hate lemon. Dr. Pepper, two shots vanilla, one shot cherry. None of that diet business, gimme the hard stuff. Calories or chemicals? I'll take the energy I can attempt to burn off. Or choose not to burn off. Whichever.

4) What do you love about yourself?

Well, it's definitely not my selfish, narcissistic, entitled heart (see #2). I love that thinking of what I love about myself makes me uncomfortable. Who wants to be that person?

5) Name one good deed you did that went unseen. 

Um, I untangled a blind person's guide dog's leash once. They didn't see that. ba-dum-psh!

I should just try to not ever make jokes.

6) What hobbies do you have that you don't mention on your blog?

Well, uh, I've basically already covered all the biggies at one point or another...eating and/or cooking-mostly-baking, music, doodling, animal-interactioning (it's a thing), sewing/crafting, thrifting, reading, camping.

So sleeping? I guess?

Yaaaaay, so that's 6 things about me you may or may not have known depending on how closely you follow this blog or know me in real life.

Basically an instagram foodie essay

This isn't good guys. It's great, but it's not good. I'm gonna be so fat by this weekend. Yesterday we had a group of high-ups, boss'-bosses come visit the office and they're here through Friday so there has been a glorious abundance of food and it's so great, but so not good.

The menus thus far....

Wednesday:

• Breakfast; chick-fil-a chicken biscuit nugget things. One word--addicting. 

• Lunch; Jimmy Johns and pickle spears.
• Snacks; Bags of chips, soda, peanut butter pretzel bites.

Thursday:

• Breakfast; Bagels bigger than my brain and five different buckets of cream cheese. What makes a jalapeno cheese bagel even better? That's right, cream cheese. 
• Lunch; Firehouse subs longer than my keyboard. ALL FOR ME. 
• Snacks; moar chips, sodas, pretzel bites, and now a well meaning but hardly touched bowl of fruit. 

Friday;

• I don't know I ain't no Seer.

But you can be sure I'll be back to letcha know the deets. I know that lots of people are like "ugh food posts, duuuumb" but to that I say

Just kidding, Gollum's so mean sometimes.

But seriously though people...

(Anyone elses brain consistently blown by how strikingly similar Smeagol/Gollum looks to Andy Serkis? BOGGLES THE BRAINLINGS.) (apparently I have little brain gremlins in my head that are now called brainlings. They are boggled.)

I try to actually have a story accompany my food pics rather than just "LOOK. NOURISHMENT." Food is a big deal in my life, I mean really. Thanks for keeping me alive, food. 

Thanks directed at a potato. How appropriate.

In short, I love food and being fed for free is a nice bonus and sweet reprieve from the stress of trying to prepare a quick yet healthful lunch from home every morning because I'm still not dedicated enough to make a meal plan and prepare ahead of time. 

Life is a cruel mistress.

Food helps me enjoy my servitude to said mistress.

Don't judge me.

**UPDATE**

Thursday:

• Dinner; The entire office got invited to accompany the group of corporate elites to a paid dinner at Joe's BBQ. And I had to turn it down for a board meeting.
  I'm not too sad about it though, it's not my favorite restaurant for BBQ and Mark probably wouldn't have gone with me the way he feels about it. But I do feel like I missed out on a team building experience. Ah well, next time!

Friday: 

• Breakfast; leftover bageldonkulous and cream cheesicle. Nobody had even opened the chive and onions flavored bucket but when I did it smelled funny. I played it safe and went original. Now there's an opened bucket of chive and onion cream cheese that has to be eaten before it goes bad. Oh darn. 
• Snackages; Moar chip baggies and untouched fruit bowl with a newly added fruit tray sporting a luscious sea of smooth, creamy caramel dip. Would you fancy some apples with your dip, Hope? Why, that would be spiffy Hope, thank you old chap.

I am not sure if anything is happening for lunch. Most everybody's flying out today, they might go do a restaurant shindig or something.

But it's okay. I get the mail so I get the weekly ads and save all the coupons (or as Mark says, "coopuns") in a drawer at my desk. So I'll still be a fatty, no worries children. 

Preach, sistahs.

okay. done.

Work Fantasy

It's not what you think. If you've got a less-than-cleanly think-maker, that is. I honestly have no idea how your thought process works and maybe you're closer than either of us thinks. Who knows?
I spend a lot of time in my imagination. People talk about that period of time before sleep where you lay there and imagine scenarios that would never happen in your life and that's basically how I spend my days. When my direct attention is not needed elsewhere. I've gotten a lot better, mostly because I experienced real life adulthood and jobs and responsibilities but I still enjoy escaping to my imagination every now and again.
It's an hour after my lunch break and I'm hitting the food coma nap-time daydreaming sequence of the day, and I wish to share with you a bit of what I've been fantasizing about since I posted a status about it on Facebook.

(I wish you could know the amount of trouble I went to to get that photo.

I'm pretty proud of my tech-savvy self.)

I have been obsessing about that idea since I had the enlightening revelation and now I present to you why I would make the coolest librarian evar and also why the world couldn't handle me as the coolest librarian evar.

• I would always wear fun glasses and would have a minimum of 12 different styles.
• I would accompany said fun glasses with eclectic, beaded neck straps.
• I would designate Mondays as "Mimic Mondays" and wear outfits modeled after book characters.
• There would always be hidden treasures in the books and dispersed throughout the shelves to encourage adventurous reading habits. 
• If you got your book back in on time, there would be a magical box of knick knack prizes you could pick one item out of as a reward.
• If you did not return your book on time or in similar condition as when it left....well, TBD. I'm not so good with punishments. (I'm rather like Winston from New Girl with pranks, either to wimpy or waaaay over the line of appropriate)

• Ooh! And you could have a bookmark that was like a punch card except I'd put stickers on it each time you turned in a book on time and once you built up enough stickers there'd be an even more awesome magicky magic box of treats as reward.
• There would be reading mats and bean bags in my library.
• Also stuffed animals, because books are better with friends. Especially friends who don't have opinions and ruin your favorite books for you.
• I would always have a large platter of snickerdoodles laying out on my desk but they would be mini-snicks (that's what I would call them) because I don't want the other teachers to murder me. I also realize this would be inviting a lawsuit because you can't even give out homemade stuff for freaking Halloween anymore.

• Also, maybe I should have secret special cookies and/or pastries to bribe the other teachers with so they don't get mad that I'm the favorite (and that I'm hyping up their students with uncalled for sugar quantities).
• Basically food.
• And moist towelettes. No sticky fingers on the pages plz.  
• The loud corner would be blocked in by tall shelves to muffle the sound but otherwise, inside voices are a must. But I won't "shush". I'll slink around quietly and just give the unnecessarily loud ones the stink-eye.
• There would be a Narnia bookshelf. I'm still working out the logistics, but it involves secret tunnels and a hobbit hole of sorts.
• Coloring corner, as well.
• Question: What are librarians responsibilities other than book caretaker?? Like, is there something they're supposed to do when there isn't anybody in there reading or whatnot? This sounds too good to be true, there has to be a catch.

Can I just use this as my resume? If I send it in to a school, can they just hire me? Like, how committed to this am I, guys. This is basically my presidential campaign; "Here are all the awesome things I promise to do, love me. Yay America." (Welcome to my basic understanding of politics.)

Realistically, I know most of what I said would never work and it would probably take a child from my own generation to even enjoy half these things so I'd probably end up sitting in my library wonderland all alone and nine year old me would silently weep for the wasted awesome. And then I'd eat all the mini-snicks and vent to the stuffed Rabbit. 

Isn't adulthood the best?

Upended

If this post had a face it would be the face one would make in that time-stopping moment right before a terrible crash. It's inevitable, you see it coming, you're not sure how bad it's gonna be but it doesn't look good. The eyes are squinted and head turned away but you can't help watching, the lip is bitten and pulled back in a grimace.

It's an anxious face and an anxious post.

But unfounded because nothing has really happened yet.

As with all serious and important matters, the house spiel has hit a bump in the road and we're not sure how the landing is going to pan out. We found out yesterday that the water heater as well as both air conditioning units are all the original units put into the house back in '99 which puts them at almost fifteen years old. Not a good age for any of those pieces of machinery. That turns into a considerable chunk of cash just to fix the issue, not to mention the bump up in spending to keep them all running at an efficient rate. 

Basically, we could probably afford to put new ones in but it's questionable whether we can afford the coinciding bills that will result from cooling an entire house with the units we'd be able to afford.

It's a depressing conundrum.

Spend a LOT of money now to put in good units? Or save now and spend a buttload every summer? It's a question that would happen no matter what house we move into, we're only disappointed that the insulation isn't as thick as we would have hoped.

Four inch walls versus six inch walls, funny the difference two inches can make.

The appraisal is happening today, probably as we speak. In fact, just got a text from Mark who is at the house right now with our flooring guys estimating costs. There's an expansion crack in the concrete and will take $200 to level.

Houses are a lot of money. A lot. And we know that. Believe me, we do and we were expecting it. However, it's a totally different story when you're faced with that ever-expanding list of fees and charges and things aren't going as smoothly as you anticipated. Issues keep cropping up and communication hasn't been great, we've had three different appraisals scheduled and charged to us despite clearly stating that we weren't going to go through these other organizations. Information has been hard to come by and Mark has been a research guru and is such a trooper. 

We had a troubled moment yesterday, wondering if it was worth the effort and whether we should even continue with this house. There still isn't a solid answer (is there ever?) and I can only hope things will become clearer after this appraisal and a quote from an a/c man but I'm not ready to give up. I can't believe that we had such strong feelings about this house that one (granted, major) hiccup is reason enough to just give it all up. To quit now? Feels wrong. It completely negates those impressions of home we had if we're that ready to discard the whole venture at the first sign of rough times.

Now I'm not crazy, if there is legitimate cause to believe we really will not be able to afford living at a relatively comfortable temperature for most of the calendar year then obviously it's time to rethink and reevaluate. It will be sad, and I probably won't want to be around people for awhile because I'll be required to explain why we aren't moving when we should be moving, but as the saying goes, "we'll cross that bridge when we get to it". 

If it comes out to be a situation where we can't run the a/c at 75 degrees all during the summer months but rather, every now and again need to spend most of our time downstairs and leave the upstairs muggy and uninhabitable then what's the big deal?! Life of an arizonian I say! Bring it on!

I know that buying a house will not be without sacrifice. I know that there is no such thing as perfect. I know that we won't be able to have everything we could possibly want right away.

But you know what is perfect?

This house, and the opportunity it will allow us to have a dog, a garden, children, the piano (yes, the piano), all the life steps that we have yet to take. 

If we don't get to have blasting cold air round the clock, so be it.

If we have to still live frugally and eat mac and cheese most of the time, make it so.

If we can't go out every weekend and take vacations every couple of months, money well saved, I say. 

This is a life-step for us, not an "in" for social standing. There are so many blessings that will come from us being in this house, it's not about money at this point. It's about life. We're living right now and doing the best we can with what we have but there's so much more to be had. It's time to move forward.

I just hope we get to move forward on life sooner rather than later.