Monday, October 17, 2011

I Need a Therapist

It would be really, really convenient if my brain would realize I'm engaged.
Or that 'single' is not synonymous with 'unmarried', and only means that. What exactly am I saying? I'm saying there would be a lot less awkward situations prevalent in my life. Such as going to the grocery store to buy groceries cuz I haven't been in two weeks and that means my edible stockpile was getting low...
But due to the fact that I has not been keeping up with muh pantry, I had to buy a lot of stuff. And I don't have a car. Only my bike. So $100 worth of groceries fills up a bicycle pretty fast.
And increases the likelihood of crashing and dying or merely maiming oneself to the point of irrepairability (apparently that's not a word but really. It should be).
So I was just going to walk my overflowing-with-plastic-bags bike the two blocks home and call it a day! No harm done!
Except there's a group of people that hang out outside the Starbucks and Subway right next to the grocery store which is right where I hafta walk.
And when I say 'group of people' I mean weird conglomerate smattering of weirdos including but not limited to homeless, druggie, drunk and incoherent humans.
Up till now I have traversed this "social leper" zone safely and walked away with only the burning stares engraved into the back of my head and behind my eyes. Today though; a tall black man with the appearance of cleanliness passed by going the other way as I was making my way home.....
Him: [acknowledge nod] Hey...
Me: [eye contact] Hi...
Dang it! Dear Line-of-eyesight, STOP IT.
Him: How you doin' today?
Me: Fine.
Too many groceries, can't run away...keep walking, keep walking!
Him: [taking steps to keep eyes trained on my face] Hey...hey, are you single?

Now, lemme just put in a disclaimer and explain why I'm stupid. In my head, "single" has always meant unmarried. I'm taken, yes but I'm not a MRS. so therefore, I'm single. I am a single person. Not helped by the fact that I never referred to my first boyfriend as 'boyfriend' and my second boyfriend and I were hardly 'officialized' (as in never actually called each other 'boyfriend & girlfriend') viewing myself as not single is not something that comes easily to my mind.
And so that is how I said...

Me: Yes.
Wait, no! I'm not! I'm engaged!! What the heck??!? WHY DID YOU SAY THAT, STOOPID??!
Him: [almost speaks]
Me: [sputtering] Well, no I mean--I...well, I just...I'm not married....(yet)
Him: Well until you're married, you're single...[looks far too satisfied with self]
[weak laugh]
Him: Would you date a black man?
Me: [not hearing correctly] No...
Him: ....nn--
Me: [catching up] Oh! Yeah--well, no I....
Just give up idiot. Walking away now.
Him: [calling after me] Can I get your number?!
Me: No.
[look over shoulder] oh no. oh no, no, no don't follow me! Don't be a creeper! Why are you on your phone and grinning at me? Are you calling your cronies to drive by in their white van and snatch me? I don't wanna be sold as a prostitute!!

Thank you "Taken" for utterly ruining my inherent faith in strangers.
To clarify; Um. No. I am not ashamed of being engaged or of my relationship with Mark. YES, words just spit out of my mouth sometimes even if they're completely NOT AT ALL what I meant to say.

It's a problem.

My life. In a nutshell.

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