Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Princess Parade: Snow White Version

lawlz okay I do what I want.

First things first; Ariel here and Cinderella here.

Seriously though Snow White is terrifying and ridiculous.
Okay so, again with the dead daddy issues and the curse of being "pretty". Snow White has a terrible mother figure and is apparently the one and only servant in the whole of the castle she lives in. But somehow she turned out sweet and good-natured anyway.
WHO is this guy??

He literally just shows up and sings with her. Do we know he's a prince? Does the cape mean 'prince'? That outfit looks pretty Page-y to me. Where are his credentials?! What's his name?? It's a pretty tiny dagger he's got, maybe he's the prince of France. Do they even have a conversation? This is so fishy...
Queen banishes Snow and orders the Huntsman to bring back her heart because that's not totally out-of-line and creeptastic.
But considering Snow's a decent human being the Huntsman lets her go but still abandons her in the totally terrifying forest of doom. Those trees are scary business.
Fluffy animals to the rescue! They lead her to a humble little cottage, empty and appearing to have been abandoned judging by the dust and cobwebs. Snow does what Snow does best and tidies up the the place with her newfound furry friends and then crashes like you so totes would after cleaning up that disaster. Home come the dwarves to find their house obviously broken into because it's been rudely sanitized and organized. They find Snow and are instantly charmed by her childlike disposition and choose to keep the little lady.
Currently so far the male gender has; left her in the forest to die, and enslaved her for the exact same reason the evil Queen did. She cooks and cleans. But I guess the dwarves aren't mean to her so it's okay? Was the queen even that mean to her? Did they even interact? This is all a bit dodgy.
But really, Snow tends to choose to do the things she does. She didn't have to clean up the cottage but she did. She didn't ever try to escape the cottage so she must've liked it there. And they have a jolly jig party so it's all good in the wood hood.

Then comes the Queen disguised as a gross old hag and once again Snow is too terribly naive to question the things that are happening to her and takes the apple from the scary ancient lady who is obviously bad, and go figure. It's poisoned.
Now enter the missing Prince (where has he been this whole time she's been happy and free for the wooing?? Honestly...) who defeats the hag/Queen, inadvertently serving her to the childhood-scarring vultures who taught us about the Circle of Life before the catchy tune, and then kisses Snow awake to the jubilation's of the dwarves only to swoop her onto horseback and ride off into the merry sunset to....where exactly?
We don't know really.
But she's happy so...I dunno. Cheers.

Time Tally: Roughly a few hours spent in each other's presence.
Benefit of the Doubt: He probably went to a lot of effort to set up that wishing well moment, and he obviously saved her from the endless curse coma, so it's a safe bet that he likes her well enough.
Solid Relationship Scale: 1

Now I get to choose what princess I wanna do next....mwahahahaha!

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