Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Princess Parade: Cinderella Style

For continued reference, the start of all this rambling and raving...

Moving on from Ariel and down the line to Cinderella!

Dear ol' Cindy...okay, so dead daddy issues aside, Cinderella is a sweet, kind-natured girl who patiently endures her step-families abuse and finds friends in the birds and mice scattered around the family manor. All Cinderella wants is to go out for a night on the town and wear some fancy clothes and dance for a change. She's been oppressed for so long, however, she never gives her dream a second chance. Until her critter friends whip up a [pretty awful] gown for her and she figures her family couldn't be so cruel as to deny her a simple carriage ride. Turns out not so much.
But simple as bibbidi bobbidi boo, there's a magical Fairy Godmother to the rescue! I don't remember why she shows up or how Cinderella got so lucky (maybe the FG's actually a karma witch?) but she gets an incredibly upgraded gown, a fancy carriage, and super posh horses to pull it and off she goes to the big, fancy dance!
She's totally not even partying it up and just roaming the castle trying to soak it all in when some Prince dude shows up and won't get out of her face till she dances with him.
Which is I guess Cinderella's achilles heel because she's immediately wrapped around his finger and head over heels in love.

"So this is love....MmmmMmm."
NO. Look, she's obviously tragically sheltered and has maybe a male gardener or something as her one example of the opposite sex but COME ON. The dude has said maybe one thing the entire movie and she wasn't even around for it. It's literally mutual love based on,
"Wow you are attractive let's dance into committing our lives to each other."
BUT then they show the two sitting out on a balcony as the clock strikes midnight so obviously they've spent some time chatting. Cinderella's goody-two-shoe tendency kicks in and she books it home leaving behind a bewildered airhead of a prince with only a glass slipper to remember her by.
If she didn't drop any details about her family or where she lives during all those hours of chit chatting then maybe we can assume she doesn't really trust him. She's being realistic and safe by not telling this good-looking hunk stranger every personal detail of her life. She had her one good night of fun, now it's back to a lifetime of child slavery.
But the dude isn't about to give her up. She must have really left an impression on him. He sends his entourage around the kingdom with the shoe because he didn't find it pertinent to have a sketch drawn up. Through a stroke of luck and the tireless efforts of two brave mice, Cindy makes it down the stairs in time to catch her ride back to the castle into the open arms of her savior and a life of ease.
I am of the opinion that Prince Charming doesn't deserve Cinderella but she's a bit of a one-dimensional character anyway and I probably haven't watched that movie in over ten years so whatever.

Time Tally: less than 24 hours from first meet.
Benefit of the Doubt: I have no idea how long they took planning the wedding so maybe there was plenty more getting-to-knowing and opportunity to back out but they decided to get married anyway. Also, the prince's dad is a decent guy, probably raised his kid well so the Prince has to be at least somewhat decent.
Solid Relationship Scale: 2 out of 10

Oh balls, it's Snow White next, I like her even less.

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