Monday, January 20, 2014

Princess Parade: Pocahontas Promenade

Dood. Alliteration, ftw.
**Author's note:**
Please be wary of the many instances in which
 I will employ the delicate use of sarcasm.
These are meant to be entertaining little fluff-posts on the romances of Disney.
Not a serious commentary or diatribe on any politics or social convention thereof.
Carry on.
(My wayward son...)

It's been a few days since my last Princess post, thanks for comin' back!

Snow White

Ready for the next one? Deep breath....

So we left off with Merida being the most bombtastic Disney chick around, but there are a couple other princesses that get kind of left in the dust, Pocahontas being one of them (in my humble opinion).
The internet is claiming that Elsa is the first Disney Princess to really break the mold as far as romance goes. Princess and dashing hero meet, a wedding follows a couple days later. Isn't this just totally not at all the case for Pocahontas? Firstly, marriage is so far from her mind she's just rolling her eyes at her silly chieftain father and snidely snickering at Kocoum, her betrothed, behind his back with her flirty friend Nakoma.
Then totes McHot Hottie billows in on his swelling sails and she's curious. She's intrigued. Pocahontas is open minded and this pale dude has a wealth of new, interesting bits of information for her to glean so naturally their relationship blossoms. Albeit quickly.
They spend one long day talking about anything and everything as well as "rolling in all the riches"...

[Disclaimer: I love everything about "Colors of the Wind" and it's a noteworthy Disney classic, but we'd be lying if we didn't admit that we all hit a certain age where that rolling down the hill bit got a little awkward and we started wondering exactly what was going through their minds in that moment. Lezbehonest.]

Pocahontas does some sneaking around and Nakoma notices because duh, sisters before misters. She's peeved because Pocahontas isn't paying any attention to her anymore (or maybe there's some moral ambiguity there, I dunno) so she tattles majorly and somebody dies. Are you happy now, Nakoma? She totally doesn't even feel remorse about it either. 5-year old me has never been very happy with Nakoma. Adult me knows she was the responsible, rational one and did what she thought was best. But 5-year old me is very loud and wants Nakoma put in time-out until she's sorry.
So Kocoum is laid to rest and his beautiful, brooding face is mourned by all, John Smith is tied to a pole in such a way to ensure a bit of revealed pectoral-cleavage...

And come dawn, it's execution time.
But Pocahontas perseveres at the encouragement of a sassy old tree and stands up to incredible odds from both sides raging for blood to be spilt.
It's easy to see where attraction would sprout between John and Pocahontas (other than their fabulous good looks).

  • Compassionate, wide-eyed, open hearts in both.
  • Pocahontas taught John that intentions aren't everything. He needed to see the bigger picture and realize he has to consider the world he's exploring before he can really understand it.
  • John didn't question her interests, her passions, her dreams. He admired them. He admired her for them.
  • They saw into each other on a deeper than skin level. Literally. Beyond the initial "omg ur so white/brown" first impression, they learn to look beyond appearances and see the soul beneath.
It's a really beautiful romance, regardless of how historically accurate. That's not the point of Disney.
Do they get married?
No, they do not.
John gets injured saving the chieftain and proving Pocahontas' point. He invites Pocahontas to journey with him to new and distant lands which I'm sure just set her curiosity on fire, but she chooses her people and her responsibility and they go their separate ways. I won't even go into the sequel because Rolfe is a bumbling fool and I can't stand him for trying to replace John and history is dumb (5 year old me again, sorry). John Smith was one of my first Disney crushes, I can't help it. Apologies.

Time Tally: What, 3 days? I think? I'd need to watch the movie again to be sure...
Benefit of the Doubt: Forest frolicking, swimming with otters, biscuit eating and general hanging out/learning together can form a bit of a bond, let alone being allies against prejudice and her saving his life and he saving her daddy's. 
Solid Relationship Score: 7

But wait, there's more!

Next we jump to Mulan....

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