Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Final Workhour Musings

I'm seriously having this bizarre rush of epiphanies right now and it's kind of annoying cuz I'd love to blog it all out while it's happening but
A) Working right now
B) Only 20 minutes left of work cuz honestly I have no qualms about blogging while I'm at my desk. I'm a decent multi-tasker, my workload doesn't suffer any because of my blogging.
I posted a point blank status on facebook of a phrase that popped into my head right as I was about to start feeling sorry for my social life and that phrase was....
"You'll never be included if you don't think you...." wait that's not what it was. Referencing my own facebook page for my own words....aha!
"You'll never be included until you think you SHOULD be."
Now that I'm looking over it again maybe the emphasis would be more properly placed at 'you'.
"You'll never be included until YOU think you should be."
Regardless, my point? Friends don't make you, you make friends. Socially I've had a real tough time my whole life which is poo-poo for me to say because in reality I've had the most marvelous crapload of friends I should be eternally grateful (shoutout; little green alien dudes).
But sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I feel bad for myself. And that's dumb. And I just realized that I could be sharing my life with people.
But I don't.
And then I get mad that nobody cares?
Arrgh the hormones and irrationality!!
So I shared the status that opened up a peephole into a part of me I'm not particularly proud of (i.e. my insecurities in social aptitude). And a couple minutes later I realized that maybe if I shared more vulnerable parts of myself, people would actually relate to me and want to hang out with me because I could help them feel better about their own vulnerable parts. (As clean and innocent as that can be taken, that's how I meant it.)
I'm so worried and obsessed with being perfect, hilarious, pretty, admired, and befriended, I'm spending NO time at all trying to just be me and inspire others to be themselves, too. I love people. I love stories and personas and individualistic qualities. Why then am I trying to be everyone's ideal person?
So I guess I'm making a goal to be more real more often. I share a lot of complaining stories with a humorous twist so that it's entertaining to read but maybe I need to include some softer, deeper (as in within myself, not necessarily philosophical), sensitive issues I run into in this crazy life-maze.

This is my pseudo-journal after all.


  1. I suck at putting myself out there for friends, I haven't made many since getting married so I'm trying to think of more ways

    1. I'm, obviously, no expert in the area of friend-making and socializing but the way I'M personally attacking it is trying to be friends with myself first.
      Not in a weird narcissistic way but just...being comfortable with myself. Because if I'm uncomfortable then the people around me are going to be uncomfortable and that's a really hard word to type correctly the first time. "Un-com-for-ta-ble." geez.
      We shall have friend-making pow wows and figure dis shiznit out, together! :)

  2. Hope, one of the many reasons I love you and think you're so great - Because you are yourself! So many women struggle with that these days, including me. I've learned over the years that when I am trying so hard to make friends that I stop being myself, I don't make friends. Go figure. You rock, that's why we are friends.

    1. Oh my gosh, for realzies. It's completely ironic and backwards and THE WORST.
      For the record, I like you as you just fine ;)