What?

Blogging straight from my phone.
This is real life adult stuff going on right now. Except not really and I'm gonna try really hard to keep ugly typo's out of this post.
But don't expect too much from me. Woke up sick this morning.
Which is why I'm here.
After discussing the vitamin C values in apple juice vs. lemonade (both of the frozen juice persuasion) (also, I, with the apple argument, won) we were lying in bed muttering to each other in sickbrain garbled tongues.
Mark: it's not a too dangerous. It's not like your brain will blow up or anything.
Me: I just know your eardrums can get blown if you aren't careful.
We talked about my trip to the ENT, where he thought I said EMT and got all panicky, and I mentioned my symptoms were back.
Mark: well what did he give you? Pills or what?
Me: Ummm, I think I actually still have some.
Mark: you need to use it. Basically the minute your symptoms came back you should've started using it again.
Me: It's not that bad! You don't need to worry!
Mark: But....I have to worry. I love you and i care about things that are gonna make your head explode!
Me: You said my head wouldn't explode!
Mark: Don't listen to me, I'm hysterical.
Basically we both may or may not die on our way to our first vacation since the honeymoon. Woooo.
Cool story, so yesterday we were awesome people and rode our bikes to the grocery store and picked up some essentials. Bummer that stores are all paranoid about backpacks, else it woulda been much simpler to carry home a mega pack of paper towels, two loaves of bread, a pack of granulated sugar, and two half gallons of milk.
But we did it. Somehow. I'm not sure how I'm still living considering i put the milk and sugar in my purse and carried it all on my left side.
When we got home, I'd planned on rewarding our efforts with leftover snickerdoodle cookies but we were mostly just so thirsty.
So we sliced open our honeydew melon and ate an entire half each, digging out juicy spoonfuls of sweet flesh.
Rather like a pair of classy zombies enjoying the brains of their poor, human prey.
At least that's what it felt like.

I'm going back to sleep. Where's the ibuprofen??

Edit: 
Mark: Ooh, ooh ooh, ooooh! [singing]
Me: [raises eyebrows]
Mark: [stroking my big toe and still singing] I like your toooee!

The end.

Tell me if I succeed...

Because you'll know why in a minute.

me: sounds intriguing
what's the thing that helps your computer run smoothly.
Is that the video card?

Mark: im not exactly understanding your question

me: Oh just still wondering why my laptop is getting worse and worse with keeping up with life. It's all slow and glitchy.

Mark: well for 1, probably needs to be restarted more often
and 2 yes, combination of video card and CPU is what makes it run, and the fact that they are both old makes it hard to keep up with all the new apps and stuff.

me: mkay
just wondered

Mark: to blog about it?

me: .....no.

Mark: ok
i was just wondering
(btw it wouldnt have cared if you were)

me: I'm pretty sure my laptop doesn't care about anything ;P
I just don't know how I'd turn "My video card is old and sucky" into an interesting blog post...
...Barney comes to mind, "Challenge accepted!!" rising from the booth.

Mark: Haha
I just thought you would blog about our annoying experience yesterday with it

me: ...with the laptop??
ermmm, what happened?
Was it interesting?

[edit: I came back and fixed all that up there.

The rest is still messed up cuz I'm lazy.]

Annnnd, now I'm stuck here. In teeny font?? What is going on?!

Ok, now that I can fix. Bizarro.

So yes. My poor laptop is beginning to lose marbles rather slowly. But surely. I'm scared that when I publish this it's going to look even more crazy than it does here in the draft arena. That seems to happen to my posts a lot. I type 'em out and have it formatted the way I want, with fonts and sizes and indents and such.

And then randomly the sizes are completely different and my indents end up halfway across the page. My computer is about as reliable as B.E.N.

And not nearly as charismatic, charming, and/or hilarious. 

I could use my actual computer, yes, buuuut actually all of our electronics are still littering the family/dining room from the LAN party a couple nights ago. It's a lot of wires and things to plug back in. Booo.

THINGS are happening!

I quit the upcoming musical that I was going to be a part of, as the original cast. Bummer. Alas, living in this apartment is getting expensive what with it being the surface of the sun outside and all and my itsy bitsy hours at the high school aren't going to provide much to live on.

So a second job it is! ....somehow. As of today I've applied to (if I can remember)...

• Michael's (shenanigans! I hate your application process!)
• Kohl's (snobby website wouldn't even allow my app to be seen by human eyes. I automatically wasn't "what [they're] looking for". RUDE.)
• Walmart (because I've missed it OH, SO MUCH)
• Mountainside Fitness
• Fitness Works
• PetSmart
• Petco
• Animal Kingdom (obviously the ideal situation would be one of the last three)
• Spirit Halloween
• Buckle (A for effort...)
• I thought about being a Pizza Hut delivery driver. Then I remembered I have standards. (For pizza, not necessarily the job.)
• Oh, and I'm also selling my opinions. 

I'm so sick of my life history. I'm also totally boring. 

I completely screwed up the entire Mtnside Fitness paperwork because I was so auto-piloted by all the online, electronic forms I'd filled out that I kept switching around where information was supposed to go with what my brain just assumed was gonna go there. So that application sorta looks like a 5 year old got bored in church and happened upon a pen and paper. (Not really, but there is one section that has at least 3 very unattractive scribbles obscuring my maturity.)

All in all, it's gonna be a miracle if I actually turn into an adult and make it successfully through a semester. Throw a few well wishes my way, if you please. 

In other, happier news; my best friend gets to move into her and her hubby's first HOUSE within a couple weeks!! 9 days to be exact. It's been a horrifically long and arduous process for them and I'm just so so so excited.

Excited to help paint and decorate and go to all the fabulous parties I know she's gonna throw. If anyone was born to be a hostess it's Allora. You should try her oreo truffles. Or actually don't. More for me. 

And if you've got truffles then anybody's gonna be happy in your home so...boom, baby.

I think I'm a witch*

How wonderful is it to be married, you ask? It goes a little like this...

Your sweet husband agrees to 

PIANO lessons!!

You sit down with him

[excited]

and start going through flash cards.

Flash cards that you took forever to

cut out of cute paper and write carefully.

He catches on so quick and you're

super excited and proud of 

his brain.

And then it's not perfect anymore.

He gets confused by all the

sharps in F# major.

You discuss.

Vehemently.

He says you are being "mean".

You say you're being "passionate".

There are tears.

(I blame the birth control)

And curses bemoaning the name of

TEACHING.

More discussing.

And explaining and apologizing.

Lots of making up.

Compromising.

And then it's time for dinner.

Teriyaki Mahi Mahi.

You take a moment to read

a beautiful engagement story

(it's UPtastic)

and then suddenly!

He's standing before you 

sipping on a Dr. P

offering you some.

But the only Dr. P can

you know of,

is THE one you placed in the fridge

yourself.

To save.

So it would get cold.

For later.

offers can

"Oh, I don't want it yet."

offers can with sad puppy eyes

"I don't want it yet!"

takes sip

".....wait.

Is that the can that I put

in the fridge??!"

.....takes another sip.

"Really.

Really right now?

After I'm already emotional

and been crying

you're going to drink

MY Dr. P right in front of my face?

Without asking?"

leans down

"I put the whole box

of Dr. P in the fridge."

"oh.

Well okay then."

"It wouldn't have

been ok if I hadn't done that, huh?"

"NOPE."

laughing

Don't mess with the ladies' Dr. Pepper. Seriously.

I'm going to be the worst pregnant wifey. Please don't hate me!

*And by "witch" I don't mean "witch". It just rhymes and I'm family friendly as well as not a general user of strong language. So "witch", it is.

Woes of the Job Hunting Persuasion

Real quickly now because I'm frustrated I'm not a genius.
Listen, universe, you can't describe the timed questionnaire portion of a job application as

"Look at these set of numbers

2 4 6 8

and choose the next in the sequence"

Omg, it's like, 10 right? I think? Doy.

Ooh, or this one

"Which of these words is not like the others?

Brown Poop Stick Unicorn"

Basic first grader nincompoop junk.

And then stick mind blowing nonsense into the real one with a ticking time bomb of death blinking away at the top of the page!

"Pick the next number in the sequence

1.77 7 3/5 2034 -3"

I think I'll just start crying now. Save some time and effort here.

"A term used to describe the 

determined goal of a group or family

S K L Q"

Someone please tell me where my brain's ability to recognize a term by the first letter of the word is gonna be useful when I'm restocking wax flowers in a bin at the craft store. Please.

Or again

"Which of these words is not like the others?

 Hesitate Vacillate Dither Ameliorate"

Yeah, I actually wasted a few seconds of my ticking clock to copy and paste those words cuz I knew I was bombing that test like the US on Hiroshima....in which my brain is Hiroshima. I mean, I definitely know Hesitate and Dither but what the crap?!

Vaccinate and amelia earhart? 

Or something??

Most stressful thing of my life.

ps- Please don't judge me. plzthxbai.

Needs to be said...

Never Been Kissed.

Never been seen...by my own eyes. At least, until today. And now I'm slightly bewildered.
First of all, beyond middle school, none of my male teachers were ever that young and/or attractive. That should be a rule in and of itself. If you're young and attractive, no you may NOT work where hormonal idiots verging on the legal age reside. Because society is stupid and humans have no morals anymore.
Secondly, if I had a teacher that walked me around school and sat by me on benches and on ferris wheels holy smokes talk about creepy.
Yes, yes I know she wasn't really 17 and "legally" nothing was wrong with the situation but if a story like that came on the news EVERYTHING would be wrong with that situation.
I feel so bad for that guy cuz he must've been convinced he was some kind of pervert. And good for him for admitting that he shouldn't have said, "Guys will be lining up for you" or whatever but DUDE. Get out of the small, restraining, trap of a bucket that is the ferris wheel car and stop being your student's friend.
I know it was supposed to be romantic and they were drawn to each other despite the MORAL AND LEGAL issues at stake but I really just couldn't get past it. It ruined the movie for me. I'm sorry but you just don't slow dance with your English teacher. At prom. When you're the prom queen. Especially not with all that sexual tension.
But I really do love Molly Shannon.
I dunno.
It was good. I guess. Weird. Uncomfortable.

Meh.

In which I have too many opinions....

No disrespect or nuthin', but aren't we done with the

teenager angst and wonder and loneliness drama?

No?

Well actually this looks really tasteful and entertaining

and even meaningful.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1659337/

Whaaaaa??

This looked normal and then......it wasn't.

o_O

And I'm very upset it's rated R

because it seems intensely intriguing

and I wanna see it!

Boo :(

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1371111/

One word:

Denzel.

Sexiest black man that can 

make me cry my eyes out with

any performance.

Plzthxbai.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1907668/

Ehhhhhh.

Keira Knightley again.

Mostly, this makes my itching to

read the book far more irritating.

Leo Tolstoy, ftw.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1781769/

Ohhh, my heavens.

Bradley Cooper paired with

Jennifer Lawrence.

As mentally unstable maniacs.

Do you get any better?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1045658/

K, "spoiler" but all the trailer entails is

a boy and a tiger stranded out at sea

with the tiger dominating the boat.

Cuz he'll eat the kid.

But the emotional connection had me

quite nearly in tears.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0454876/

Seriously, now?

I thought the point of 

The Expendables

was that it was the quote-unquote

"Last Hurrah"

for all those manly men to be....

manly men again.

Before they prune and shrivel up

in the nursing home.

C'mon, now.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1764651/

And on an ending note:

Birthday movie, much?

I think so!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0903624/

I can haz dreams fulfilled

I have a very difficult time defining and adhering to the fine line between "excited anticipation" and "overly-obsessing-to-the-point-of-ruining-it-for-everyone".
I like to be excited and look forward to plans and events. Mark is more of the pessimistic type who doesn't like to think about it at all so he has no expectations that will inevitably be disappointed. (Which sounds a lot more terribly depressing than it really is.) It's one of the points of life on which we're pretty much completely opposites.
The event in question is our sudden trip to Iowa for my grandpa's 90th birthday.
And here's that story.

My mom called one day to ask how we were doing and I think to tell me that I have some mail at their house or something. Not important. Randomly she announces that at the end of the month she and my dad are headed out to Iowa for grandpa's birthday.
Going to Iowa was a trip we made quite a bit during my childhood and early adolescent years. Spirit Lake is a place very near and dear to my heart as well as somewhere I've been dying to take Mark since before we were engaged. Bucket list item, much? So when I heard they were going I was immediately jealous and verbalized my wishes to go as well. Of course my mom wished we could go along but not much more was said on the subject.
A week or so later my dad called to ask about my job situation (which is doing just fine, thank you very much). He also mentioned the Iowa trip and I, again, mentioned I wanted very badly to go along and had said so to Mom as well. I also included that when I told Mark about it he had said, "Well, why not?"
And my dad replied, "Well, I'm looking at tickets later today. But you gotta let me know if you guys can come, I gotta know..."
And I was a mess of "Ok! Ok, I'll talk to Mark! Yeah! Ok!"
Long story short, my parents are the best people evar and are paying for half of the plane fare. We just paid for school this week so we can barely afford ramen let alone roundtrip flights halfway across the country.
BUT WE'RE GOING!!
We'll fly out (I love flying!) thursday the 30th at 5:50 am (ohhh joy), touch down in Denver and then be in Sioux Falls by noon. Assuming everything goes as planned and the airports cooperate with us. Hopefully. We'll stay for the whole weekend and then fly back home Labor Day evening.
WE SO EXCITED.
Well...mostly, that is. Like I mentioned, Mark doesn't dwell on excitement. Plus he has no idea what to expect. And I'm practically bursting because I know it's gonna be so beautiful and fun and relaxing.
But! Also, I cannot wait, there's a band called "Arch Allies" and they tour around doing Styxx, Journey and REO tributes and HOLY SMOKES the lead singer dude sounds exactly like Steve Perry. I kid you not. But he dances around like Jack Black when he sings. It's kinda silly. And they're going to be in Iowa that weekend, playing at Arnold's Park!! So we get to go to that as well. And I love the old theme park. It's totally teeny and has one rickety wooden "roller coaster" but oh my gosh, the memories there.
The one souvenir I'm determined to come home with is an Okoboji sweater for my hubby (or jacket, I don't think he wears sweaters...). Every trip we ever took out there as a family, we always went down to the family-owned sweater store (21 years old and I still have no idea what that place is called. I just know it as the place we got all our sweaters). I need a new one anyway, the ones I still have are too small.
Okoboji is a fake university with a mascot and everything; the Phantoms. Woot Lake Okoboji pride. Baha.
Anytime I wore the sweater to school people would stare at my chest with quizzical eyebrows and say,
"Okobonomon? Oshkoshbigosh? Okoboji university? What is that? Where is it?" and I got to laugh jovially and reply,
"Oh, no. It doesn't exist."
That's usually where the conversations ended.
But anyway. We're gonna swim and walk and read in hammocks and I want to take him real fishing. I hope we do. I love fishing. AND, oh boy, my dear arizona friends, gird thy loins because this will not be easy to hear. I looked on the weather channel and the entire weekend we're there it's gonna be bright and sunny and hanging around right in the upper 70's. And the last two days it's supposed to be pouring rain. I die.
It's gonna be so cheap though, cuz we'll share the car my parents rent and we'll stay at my aunt's house and considering most of my dad's immediate family all lives around the shore of the lake we'll hardly ever eat out.

I seriously cannot express to you how excited I am for this. It's still 2 and a half weeks away but I'm dying to start packing. I CAN'T WAIT!!
Ack!

My face when we land.

A wild Creativity Spurt appears!

But seriously.
I like to do artsy/crafty things. I like to doodle and draw and push paint around with a brush. I like to bake yummy sugary things that dirty up every last pot and pan I own.
I also like to play sports.
But that doesn't mean I'm any good.
In fact, I probably like to do too many things and that's why I can't get much more than amateur at any of them. At least they're all fun.
Isn't fun the best thing to have?

So today, when I was hugging my husband goodbye as he left for work, the spam can we keep on the kitchen counter to hold little random tidbits of stuff (paper clips, safety pins, screws, razor blades, etc.) caught my eye and I realized how ugly and tacky it looked. Seated next to all the careful decorating and cleaning I've done to this place within good ole 2012 that spam box was sitting there with folded arms, taunting me.
And I had an idea.
Everyone has seen those pins on Pinterest where you pretty much cover every and any surface with cute material, or paper or the nearest picture of your children/husband/slobbering pet. If you haven't, I guess you are one of those rare humans left with an actual life beyond the four corners of a computer screen. Congratulations for stickin' it out so long. Kudos.
I'm not, though. Especially through this past summer. I'm too excited for school and work to start again. I know my enthusiasm isn't gonna last nearly long enough.
So I grabbed the spam can and ran to my craft room (that also doubles as my center for music with our electric keyboard and harp crammed in one corner, actually pretty much in the closet).
On a sidenote, Owl City's Sky Sailing radio on Pandora is pretty much the best channel for "channeling" (geddit?) creativity that I know of.
So here's how I revamped our little spam can into a more aesthetically pleasing counter-top junk holder.

I used a razor blade to scrape

off the Spam wrapper.

I left most of the sticky stuff though.

Figured it'll help keep what 

I added on.

I measured from the top of the can

to the bottom.

It was a little more than 3 in

so I cut a full 3 inch strip

off the scrapbook paper.

It was a little too big (because of the rim)

so I trimmed until I liked the fit.

I then used 

"Aleene's" Quick Dry tacky glue

and squeezed stripes along the

corners and one in the middle

of the sides.

As you can see, I put rubber bands

on the can to hold the paper

down while it dries.

True to name, the glue dried

really fast!

Voila!

I'm lucky and the line where the wraparound meets is pretty close to matching the pattern. Woot. As per usual, accidentally succeeding. I thought about going crazy and adding some flowers or buttons or ribbons but it was kinda difficult to get the colors to match so that fell through pretty quick. Hah.

Now I'm gonna go sift through my closet and see what I have that comes anywhere close to Disco/70's attire. Themed parties; I love 'em!!