Friday, September 27, 2013

Spammers are no fun...

Last night in the middle of choir rehearsal I received an email from an unknown, random citizen of the interwebz. And I simply couldn't pass up the golden opportunity that had laid itself willingly at my feet...

keelbykiely 7:56 pm

please let me know if this is the real e mail. i'm trying to find the man with that amazing lips. if this isn't him, i'm really sorry!

Hope 9:46 pm

My darling! You have found me! We shall be married in the morning!
I cannot convey the strife that has riddled my forlorn heart these nights away from you. Unaware of whether I would know thy sweet correspondence again. If I could take these sweet, amazing lips of mine and gently caress yours...my dearest, it is all that had occupied my thoughts. I long for you and your warmth. I am overcome with trembling, thinking of you. 
It is fate. Destiny, even! That has led us to each other. My lucious lips have drawn you even as your deep eyes have captured my soul.
My heart's desire, if you would have me, I would run the ends of the earth for you. I would take the stars of the heavens and lay them at your precious feet. I would love with a burning passion unfound in this dark world. 
You are my world. My day, my night, my every breath.
Relieve this torture of my spirit and say you will face the unending battle that is this wretched life with me. Only me. And we will conquer the world. The galaxy. The universe!
My Lady, I would be your Lord.
Say you will be true, and be quick. I cannot dwell in this world without you beside me. 
With haste! I love thee.

keelbykiely 6:35 am

exactly how do you feel when you look at these naughty pictures? 
[weblink-that-i'm-not-including-cuz-no-thanks]

Hope 8:09 am

Now, now, my betrothed. This is most grievous. I cannot fathom what would possess you to disrespect yourself so. 
My disappointment knows no bounds.
I am afraid, my darling, that this may be the end of our road together.
The sorrow that swells within my spacious heart, I cannot adequately tell you. But I will always be here, in the wings of your life; silent and waiting. These amazing lips of mine will beg the universe for the moment when you will return to me, true and free from the wiles of this business you've been wrangled into.
Be safe, my one and only, and make good choices.
I will always love you.


It's been a couple hours now, I don't think they're getting back to me.
I was hoping for a more detailed correspondence but alas, twas not meant to be. And before anybody asks, no I did not go to whatever website this person sent me. I ain't no fool. 
They probably didn't even read the beautiful love note I wrote them. 


Rude. 

3 comments:

  1. btw, Salsa Mama is my Google name. My real name is Sally. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Salsa Mama is an excellent name. As is Sally. But I'm a fan of Salsa Mama. Own it gurl.

      Delete