Monday, May 21, 2012

I HATE PEOPLE...mostly

Voice:"Hawlo, am I speeking to 'foh-eight-seero seex-two-seero seero-nine-seex.....uh, nine'?"
me: "Yes."
Voice: "garble-marble-mumble-jambalaya-ruttabaga, how are yoo tooday?"
me: "Fine."
Voice: "...whell, goot."
Voice: "blah-blah-merghetty-something-maybe-I'm-speaking-english-maybe-I'm-not-..."
me: "I'm sorry, I can't understand you. I don't know what you're saying."
Voice: "Mees Andersen, yoo are ell-ee-gible for marble-garble-mucky-whobawhatty tooday for..."
me: "I don't want it."
Voice: "Eet's just a $25 dining gift card for..."
me: "I don't want it."
Voice: "Mees Andersen, eet ees just a thank yoo gift from..."
me: "NO. I don't want it. Thank you anyway.
Voice: "...Any parti-q-lar reazon why?"
me: "Don't want it. Don't need it. I'm just fine. Thank you.
Voice: "Oh-kay, Mees Andersen. Yoo have goot day now."
me: "Yeah, bye."

That was my most recent conversation with Raj from BBT except not really because it's actually just some low-life solicitor abusing my phone number.
Look, I'm sorry your life sucks enough that you have to sit in a call center and get rejected by every human you ever speak with but HOLY COW I HAVE NO SYMPATHY.
I don't understand why in spanish class, or french, or german or whatever they make a big deal about learning the right accent and how to stress the proper syllables and all that junk. That's why we have "oral" tests, to make sure we're saying the words right. HOW COME nobody is expected to do that in english? Every oriental, middle-eastern, hispanic immigrant sounds just as unintelligible as when they first started speaking the language. And WHY the BLOODY DICKINS are they the ones that make the phone calls?
Yeah, $100 of free Walmart groceries sounds nice but I don't wanna repeat the same info 7 times over the course of 40 minutes without understanding a word you say. Nor do I want to continue to get calls from you every 3 hours after that about the next deal you're forced to shove down my throat.
"Any particular reason why?"
I don't want you taking my debit card number and using it to promote some bizarre anti-wrinkle cream complex serum mumbo-jumbo. I don't want to be a member of "DubLi fun shopping". I don't want it.
So back off and let me delete your existence from my life.

I apologize. I'm so pissed off. Whatever organization this is has completely ruined the past 4 days of my life. I'm now having to drive in to a Wells Fargo location and order a new debit card. Which, /sigh, is fine I guess considering I need a new one anyway. My current one can hardly swipe anymore without needing a plastic bag wrapped around it. Who first thought of that anyway?
I ALSO, am going to have to change phones because you guys suck. Awesome. We'll see if my email is compromised, too.

You know what would be super cool? If I actually knew how to use the internet.
I'm gonna go before I break something, possibly myself.

1 comment:

  1. Register your number at and if they call you again, tell them you will report them to the Federal Trade Commission. I have done this a few times and it works fast because if they don't honor your request to not be called by their company they can be fined $16,000. That's a scare-the-crap-outta-you number. Good luck! I know it can be super frustrating.