Monday, June 20, 2011

I Work in 7 Hours.

I can't be that girl. She's just so...obnoxious.
The girl who raves about her stunning boyfriend who is like, so cool and all the romantic little tidbits about every day happenings. Such as, "He texted me and I wasn't expecting it! How cute is that?!" (not that I would ever get excited about that....[if you knew my boyfriend you'd understand. It's a big deal, okay?])
The girl that can't sleep at night and googles wedding dresses and color coordinated flower bouquets until there is no possible way to get a decent amount of sleep.
Or the girl who sees said boyfriend after two days (two days, people) of limited association and comes up with glorious cheesy gems such as sitting on his lap and asking, "Do you ever get so happy your tummy squirms?"
(Obviously meaning butterflies. I mean, really. Tummy squirm? Butterfly? A dummy would get it.) .... (btw, he smiled and agreed with me once the 'butterflies' part was cleared up).

The point is. I don't want to be her! She's annoying, and naive and a moron airhead. She's every girl I used to sneer, 'sneer' is such an ugly word. More like laughed at.
"Oh, she's so silly. I'll never be that silly. That's just silly."
But guess what.
I am.
Oh, I'm so silly, it's not even funny (except for sometimes we laugh about it). Just look at my Pinterest board. It's ridiculous. Practically the only reason I'm still going to Disneyland single is because;
A) There's still the housing fee. That's $2,000+ that I just don't have to spare.
B) Boyfriend just got the stable job. It'll be nice to let it stabilize first before jumping into a shared life.
C)'s disneyland. Ya don't just say, "Guess what Walt, I changed my mind. See ya round."
But, basically, I've succumbed. Luckily, it's not to that level of disgusting, puke-worthy mushy gushy lovey dovey nauseous circle of love that is just a whole lot of PDAwkward for everyone around (that awesome term courtesy of Katie ;]).
Love does stuff to ya. It gives you butterflies and makes your mind fuzzy. You can't seem to smile and breathe at the same time but you don't really need to...breathe, that is.
Oh, and I love making plans :) Plans are my favorite. Plans and surprises. Surprises that I know I'll totally forget about until they begin unfolding. Plans and surprises I'm not even sure it's really legal to have them this early on...
(I'm still about 6-7 months out of being possibly engaged, am I allowed to know that we could potentially be flying somewhere for the honeymoon? o.O)
I've been trying to leave myself a door open. The plan-B emergency door that I can bow out of when things possibly could ever go wrong and the relationship doesn't work out. But at this point, the pathway to the plan-B emergency door is getting much longer and exceedingly more paved with if's and maybe's. It's more like that painting you keep up on the wall because it takes up the empty space and doesn't leave you vulnerable to ridicule from your more interior design savvy friends. You don't actually need the painting, or even like it for that matter, but it's there. Like insurance.
The door's almost disappeared. I'm about to take it down and throw paint on the walls. Create an entire new experience in the room, change the appearance of everything I'm used to. How can I possibly be ready to admit I have found the person I could deal with for eternity. E-ter-ni-ty. Do you realize how long that is? Do I realize how long that is?
Here's the crazy thing: I think I do. And as I think about it I wait for the panic to set in. The qualms and queasy feelings of uneasiness that'll sway me from being certain. But I don't need the door anymore. I don't want the door. The painting can go to DI and the door can melt away into oblivion because I'm in love.
Sure, steady, pure love.
It's cheesy. It's romantic. And it's all mine :) I feel like Buddy the Elf and wanna go running through the halls filled with stuck-up, more-sophisticated-people-than-I snobjobs and shout to them, "I'm in love! I'm in love! and I don't care who knows it!" with that idiotic sappy grin on my face. Because that means I'm too happy to care.

So go ahead and judge! Because Happiness?

I has it :)

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