Saturday, June 2, 2012

Never a Dull Moment

As a matter of fact, these moments I'm about to relate to you were pretty sharp. Sharp indeed.

So this "cooking" thing. I would very much like to say I'm good at it. But actual, edible, nourishing food just escapes me.
Now baking, hah! I can bake you a cake no problem. I have made that much very clear in previous posts (that I am far too lazy to find and link so just have a go and adventure through my blog!) (yes that sounds a lot like plugging for your pageviews but I'm serious. Too lazy here.).
But anyway.
The past couple weeks we've been eating like poor college roommates that went to a foreign exchange program in some dark, isolated corner of Siberia. Ramen and tortilla's, FTW. Due to the fact that we are on a budget and I had to wait until June to get a renewed grocery fund. So thank goodness it's June today! Going shopping later.
And so! Last night was the first in quite awhile that I actually went into the kitchen preparing to cook an actual, legitimate meal. I even texted the hubby and said, "cooking hot food here for tonight!".
Thusly, I picked out the Tuna Helper box and two cans of tuna (blech, smelly) and set about finding the right size pot for this lovely adventure in cooking. It said to use a 10 inch skillet but we don't really have a skillet and our frying pans looked a tad shallow for 2 and 1/3 cup water along with 1 and 1/3 cup milk...and all the rest of the stuff you gotta throw in as well! So I skipped out on that and went to get a sauce pan. I had just cleaned our large, metal one and it's brand new so I thought to save it the pressure of producing yet another difficult meal so early on in it's career.
(I actually hated the thought of using such a huge pan for such a small amount of food to be cooked)
So I sought out a more size-appropriate pan. And all I found was a maybe 16 qt. glass pan that, let me just say, we have used SO MANY TIMES for things like mac and cheese and other pasta's and even baking! In the oven! So you would assume that would be a safe bet, right?
You have never been wrong-er.
Or I guess I haven't.
In any case.
It didn't even get to boiling before KABLAM!
Glass shattering, milky-buttery-watery mixture spreading over hot stovetop. Sizzling, bubbling, steam and always more glass. Everywhere.
It looked a lot like this...

Except that was taken about 10 minutes after the fact.
At the initiation of the blast, my thought process went a little like--

ohhhh mama.
Glass. That's a lot of glass.
Oh my gosh! Steam! Turn off the stove!
I should take a picture.
Get phone.
Picture message husband.
"Um, come home quick. I messed up :("
Ummm, oh clean. Yeah. I should clean.
[whirl around like lost puppy]
Trash! Yes!
Glass. Everywhere. Bare feet.
[look down at feet]
Oh! Blood. That's good. That's...hmmm.
Paper towel!
[wrap bottom of foot, who cares where the blood stems from...]
garbage can, garbage can
attempt to scoop mess into garbage can with tiny wooden spoon

I'm a genius when it comes to emergency situations. My children are SO. LUCKY.
Mark was apparently right in the driveway when he got my text and he came running in the door just a couple minutes after I sent it. Good timing? I believe yes.
He comes walking in, totally bewildered look on his face and exclaims,
"What happened?? What did you do?!"
Not in a demanding, blaming way but a "omg what did my klutz wife get herself into this time?" way,
as I'm holding the now disgusting, appearingly puked-on garbage can up to the side of the oven with my waist and trying not to laugh hysterically like a crazy person though I just really have the urge to.
He was quite the hero. Cleaned the whole mess up and told me to go sit down and stop bleeding all over the place....
(Alex, look away)

And then he cleaned me up and bandaged my leg as I sat there shaking and feeling like I might cry but still wanting to laugh. My shock response is overloaded and sort of like a brand new puppy wiggling and peeing and wanting to lick everything. Hyper and over responsive.
SO we went out to eat. With friends, too! I guess fate decided we needed to go out, on a date, have fun and laugh. Thanks fate.
I'll also probably get a nifty scar.

Who knows how it cut me there and nowhere else.

And that concludes this episode of "Cooking adventures with Hope". 
Join us next time for "House burns down in pb&j accident".
(Not seriously, and knock-on-wood)


  1. hahaha oh my gosh!!! That's so funny! Haven't you taken Chemistry? Glass has a very specific point that it shatters at! I boke an eyeglass in lab from the same deal. HA! But now you have an awesome story to tell!

  2. Bah, chemistry xP I just really thought that it would be ok since we'd used it before for similar recipes. LESSON LEARNED. haha!

  3. oh honey i had the same thing happen! the glass went everywhere. i was lucky though and only got a few scratches and i was standing right in front of it. (I shook for a while afterwards too)

  4. Oh man... I love you, Hope. I really do. So don't let this sound mean but... I now will accept the compliment anytime my husband says I can cook when I've only boiled pasta. Lol. Cause I have never had this happen to me. But that is one HECK of a story, lol.

    Meanwhile, learn to make gluten free cakes please--I don't have those mastered AT ALL. :P

  5. I would take that compliment and run like a beast with it, woman. Pasta is TOUGH. BEANS.

    Gluten-free cakes, eh? I'll hafta pinterest the crap outta that and try it out :)