Daily Tidbits

Premium writing time: after midnight.

Premium sleep time: ...after midnight.

....ohhh, I see where you're going with this.

No, you don't understand. It's terrible. Every night I choose between "ooh, bed sounds lovely!" and "must. tell. stories." Bed has been crushing the competition lately. In a very--soft and pillowy kind of elimination.

The problem is, I'm so much more clever-er when I should be sleeping. Heaven only knows why (as I think about it, maybe they don't either) but honestly, I'll take all the boosts I can get. The more random the better, right? I mean really, who doesn't like green-flavored goose feet.

Mmmm, TASTY.

I dunno, moving on.

In lieu of "firsts", if you've never swam--at night--while it's raining--with your significant other it should probably scoot on up to top priority. Naturally, you might hafta wait for the elements to swing in your favor but give a homeless man a cookie and I'm sure karma will deal you a good hand.

Swam? Swum? Swimmed?

Y'know, you kinda hit a major stopping and rethinking your life moment when you find yourself spell checking and grammar catching the jobs you're applying to: "I'm significantly more literate than the people that wrote this application form....lolWUT?!" Although, I must say, Albertson's is an extremely friendly site. After pretty much every other page of questions (I am prone to exaggeration, this is not one of those special moments) it would have a page primarily dedicated to thanking you and telling you to click 'next'. I mean it. That's the only purpose the entire webpage had. Call me crazy but it was a tad silly. Also, ever write a single word so many times it suddenly becomes unrecognizable to your brain? Like it was never a word in the first place? My name has taken on that light. Doesn't help that it's a plain ole word in the first place. I applied to WalMart, Home Depot, Cinemark, Lowe's, Bass Pro Shop, Albertson's, Fry's, Safeway and multiple nannying jobs--all online (except Cinemark. I lied. So shoot me).

Thinking back that list is pitifully inaccurate for portraying the amount of time and information I chugged out today, so just hear me out when I say: "Job hunting is the POOPS". The end.

But not the end!

Boyfriend and I tried, we sincerely tried, to watch 'Gnomeo and Juliet'...it may've been already knowing the entire plot, already knowing that I really am not the greatest fan of the plot in the first place or perhaps just a general lack of interest in the fate of the dueling, clanking, semi-creepy gnomes. The best part of that movie was the frog and the very, very, very beginning. Way at the front. With the gnome reading the scroll onstage. Fantastic. I laughed.

Yes! I know I can't rightfully judge because I didn't watch the entire thing...but I did enjoy the frog.

Elton John, the heart shaped orchid center and love at first ninja-spotting? Nooooot so much.

Then we tried 'I Am Number Four'......

Um....

Well, see I--I just......

Hm, how shall I put this nicely.....

Dear Michael Bay,

Stop. Just stop.

Talk about horrific one-liners and too much attention to the wrong part of the plot! I was gagging on the blanket the entire movie. But! We had great fun mocking each and every serious moment. I would love to delve into a rant right about this moment but ranting never does any blog any good. Ranting only spews the ideas all at once in no logical order, which makes sense in the moment to the writer but any poor reader trying to muck through has to wonder, "Were they thinking with the same brain when they wrote this?"

I was very much attached to the dog/camaro however (chimera, whatever, it sounded like she said 'camaro' which I found a lot funnier), and was quite upset and impatient when it looked like the beagle had bled to death, curled up in the puddled mess of the school shower room and nobody cared to find the hero-puppy who SAVED ALL THEIR BUTTS.

Just sayin'.

I knew he was a good gecko-dog-chimera from the very beginning.

Lastly, if you ever are looking for a complete and total waste of your time and energy, I know the best deal you can find:

Try cleaning out a pool while a storm's brewing. Nothing like scooping up zillions of little tiny leaf pods with an inadequately small and ripping net whilst the little buggers are flying off the trees, bouncing off your head into the water as you work.

It's kind of the most frustrating thing I've ever done. Minus painting a grizzly's toes. But I've never done that.

Only my boyfriend's.

Not quite sure it would be that much of a different experience.

Have a splendid day wherever you are, whatever you're doing, unless it's illegal in which case I don't know you and withdraw myself from the situation.