Healthy or not, I've recently discovered that I have no patience for pooping. It takes far too long to be any sort of efficient. Plus it smells. How dumb is that?
Annnnnd welcome back to Hope's blogging world, where subject matter seems to spout from sarcasm, indecency and the least amount of dignity possible.
Speaking of which. BB guns are my new favorite thing. If I were Julie Andrews I'd sing about spaghetti, puppies (both small and wriggling, and old and smelly), rain, mud and BB guns. Those are my favorite things. Along with high heels. And a bajillion other things that keep popping into my brain that I would like to list but there's NEVER ENOUGH TIME. I need the days to be more like 30 hours long, not this silly 24hr nonsense. Who the beep can actually be productive in 24 hours? Cuz I'm sure failing.
Yet here I am blogging. CURSES.
Invitations are dumb. Look, people, just come, ok? Do you really need a sappy, foldy-outy color representation of my fiance and I to feel welcome to our night of celebrating and not-touching-each-other-so-we-don't-explode? I keep going back and forth on that. Some days it feels like, "Nah, we'll be fine. We've gone this long, one more day's not gonna make a difference..." and then I have to kiss him and not let it seep into my brain and suddenly it's more like, "PANIC MODE. How is this gonna work? Separate cars? Monty Python chastity belt? No, I just won't brush my teeth...oh right, pictures...bah."
It's a problem!! Welcome to the life of a virgin dawdling on the precipice of celibacy.
But anyway. It's whatever.
This weekend is my bridal shower. I have to sit there looking all feminine, glowy and refined and answer the same questions over and over, possibly yelling at the older attendees so they feel included and heaven knows what awkwardness will spew from my all too willing mouth. Bridal status just really isn't that great for the turtle-hearted. I like my shell lonely and quiet, thank you. BUT I am actually excited. There will be family and friends I haven't seen in a while, plus I'm super grateful for the opportunity to not have to completely supply the inner workings for a new home. WOOT.
That being said...next weekend is my Bachelorette party (which is gonna ROCK MY FEET OFF thanks to the bestest MOH evar!!) and then the weekend after that I'm hustling like a football player the size of a bison trying to get everything in order for THAT coming weekend...."Impending Nuptials", as I'm calling it. As of right now. And then never again because I'll forget.
Every single weekend until May has something smack dab taking up all the stinking space, it's ridiculous. Goodness gracious.
I can't even type there are so many other things I should be doing. That's it for now.